As human beings, all of us possess tremendous potential. We just do not make full use of our immense capabilities. Everybody has the ability to develop successful relationships, build a successful business, become the best in their field, make a million dollars etc… All it takes is learning the right strategies and taking massive action.

So, what stops most people from taking action and using their full potential? Whenever I ask this question, the same reasons seem to come up. Many people will admit that what stops them from taking action is ‘fear’, ‘uncertainty’, ‘doubt’, ‘depression’, ‘frustration’, ‘anger’, ‘laziness’ or ‘feelings of helplessness’. Many salespeople don’t succeed because they have the fear of getting rejected. Many people who have the desire to start a business never do so because of their self-doubt and fear of failure. Many people who experience adversity do not take the necessary actions to turn their life around because they feel too depressed or frustrated. In other words, NEGATIVE EMOTIONS are the main reason why people do not take action and realize their full potential.

Negative Emotions Serve a Positive Purpose. They are Signals that We Need to Change Something.
So, if negative emotions are so ‘bad’, why do we have them? Why do they exist? ! I believe that our creator did not give us negative emotions to limit us or to punish us. In fact, negative emotions serve a positive purpose. They are signals that tell us that we need to change something. They are giving us the message that we need to either change our perceptions or our actions!

The Positive Message of Fear
Throughout our lives, our minds will create the emotion of fear whenever we face something new or challenging. The salesperson experiences the fear of being rejected. The presenter experiences fear before going on stage. So, why does our mind create this feeling of fear? Fear is an emotion that signals to us that we need to ‘get better prepared’. This feeling is giving us a message that in order to deal with the challenge ahead, we need to gain more knowledge, skills and resources to succeed. That is a useful message, isn’t it?

Many people are surprised to know that I still feel fear before I go on stage to give a talk, despite having been a professional speaker for the last 15 years.

In fact, 3-4 days before any speaking engagement, I start feeling the fear that hundreds of people will be listening to me and judging me. I have the fear that I may not live up to their expectations. This fear signals to me that I have to get prepared. It motives me to plan way ahead. I spend hours doing research on my topic, writing a powerful speech and crafting my slides. This fear drives me to rehearse my speech in my mind over and over again until I know exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it. The moment I am fully prepared to give my absolute best, my fear is at a minimal. I have made use of my fear to help me constantly deliver my best each and every time. I can imagine that if I had no fear, I would not have bothered to have prepared so hard and would probably have given a lousy speech.

So, it is perfectly normal to feel fear. Everybody gets scared, both ordinary and extraordinary people. The difference lies in how they deal with it. Unfortunately, most people allow their fears to limit them from taking action. They get the fear of public speaking so they avoid it completely. They will never dare to speak in public.

Frustration Signals to Us that We Have to Change Our Strategy
Another common negative emotion that many of us may experience is ‘frustration’. Frustration is an emotion we feel when we are not able to get the result we want despite repeated attempts. Most people allow the feeling of frustration to overwhelm them so much that they get angry and quit ever attempting it again. Haven’t you been so frustrated at something or someone and said to yourself, ‘whatever!’, threw your hands up in surrender and walk off?

Once again, Frustration is there to give us a message. It serves a useful purpose. When we feel frustrated, the signal is telling us that we have to change our strategy. We have to do something different, to get the results we want. One of my students is an insurance advisor (specializing in corporate insurance) that was getting so frustrated with her job that she felt like quitting after three months. She was getting frustrated that despite making hundreds of calls to prospects, she couldn’t even secure an appointment. She kept getting rejection after rejection.

When she attended my ‘Patterns of Excellence’ programme, I told her that as long as she did not listen to the message of her frustration, she would never reach her sales targets. Her frustration was a clear signal that she had to change her strategy in the way she engaged her prospects.

Upon reflection, she realized that whenever she said that she was offering ‘corporate insurance evaluation’, people closed their minds and immediately said that they weren’t interested. She decided to use a different strategy. She would call her prospects (bosses of companies) and say, ‘I am a corporate strategy advisor. Do you have the intention to list your company on the stock exchange?’ That statement immediately got their attention.

If their answer was no, she would say, ‘do you realize that if something happens to you, the shares you own in your company may become worthless? Your loved ones may not be able to sell the shares to extract its value. Could you spare a few minutes to learn how to assign a market value to your company so that it can be easily sold in the future?’ By using this unique approach, her appointment rate shot up and she increased her sales by 400% in just 6 months.

So, you can see that ‘negative emotions’ like fear, frustration, anger, depression and disappointment are not really bad at all. They can really help us to become much more successful. We just have to ensure that they serve us and not immobilize us from taking action. So, whenever you experience a negative emotion, listen to the message and act on it. Once you have heard the message, breakout of the negative emotion so you no longer feel bad about it.

This post is an excerpt from my upcoming book ‘Winning the Game of Life!’ Watch out for it!

Have you ever been in a situation where the odds seemed insurmountable against you? Have you ever felt that things were so hopeless and impossible that there was no point in fighting anymore? Well, here is a powerful lesson we can learn from a simple animal- a Zebra. In this documentary, the Zebra is caught by a lioness. The Lioness has bitten the Zebra on the neck and is choking the life out of it. There are multiple open wounds and the blood is gushing out. I guess most people in the Zebra’s position would simply give up and let fate take its course. What are the chances of a Zebra being able to over power a lioness and escape from its grasp?

What is so amazing and inspiring is that the Zebra refuses to give up without fighting to its very last breath. It refuses to cave in to impossible odds. It holds on to its life, masters up its last ounce of strength and flips the lioness on its back. The Zebra then uses all its might to hold the lioness down, attempting to drown it in the river. Out of breath and strength, the lioness relents and the Zebra kicks away and escapes. In the end, the stronger animal is the one that finally gives up the chase.

Sometimes in life and in business, it is not always the strongest or smartest who prevails in the end. It is the one who has more fighting spirit and more ‘heart’. In fact, a weakness that many successful people and companies have is that over time, they lose their hunger and become emotionally weak. So, if you are ever in a situation where your competitor seems to have all the advantage; more money, better looks, more resources, more experience etc… Do not count yourself out. As long as you have the most important ingredient; fighting spirit and heart, you will prevail in the end. If you want it more badly than they want it, you will get it. And if you happen to be the leader in your field, do not ever allow success drive you to complacency.

I remember that when I was a struggling first time author at the age of 24, no publisher or bookstores would give me a chance. Major bookstores would not display my book and international publishers would not invest in my book because they thought that I lacked the credibility, experience and talent. They preferred to market books by international authors with years of track record. I guess at the time, I felt like the Zebra in an industry of lions. Despite no body wanting to invest, distribute or even promote my book initially (i.e. my first book ‘I Am Gifted, So Are You!’), I hanged on to the dream that ONE DAY, I will be a best selling author. The one advantage I had amongst all the competing books was that I was HUNGRY for success and I would fight and do whatever it took to get my books on the best-sellers list.

With this ‘Never Say Die’ spirit, I went around the whole of Singapore doing free talks to promote my book at schools and bookshops like Borders, Kinokuniya, Popular, MPH etc… I remember myself doing 5-6 free talks every single week for 6 months. I believe I hold the record for an author doing the most number of talks. All that work paid off! in 6 months, my book was ranked #1 on the MPH best-sellers list and hit the National best-sellers list for 8 consecutive years. Have you got your own personal story about how you triumphed over a stronger opponent in your business, sports, relationships, career? Share it HERE!

What stops people from daring to set big goals and taking action is the fear of failure/rejection and the limiting belief that they do not have the resources to achieve the life they want. It is very easy to feel defeated and disheartened when things don’t go the way we want. It is easy to give up and think ‘impossible’ when obstacles/problems seem to make the task impossible. That is why 90% of people in life are so ordinary. They make the easy choice and quit. Remember that the Winners of the world (the top 10%) face just as many obstacles/problems as everyone else. In fact, in most cases, they face even greater obstacles. The difference is that they make the tougher choice of finding a way towards they goals REGARDLESS of how impossible it seems.

I recently watched a documentary about Aimee Mullins who is a true role model of the power of possibility. In times of our life, we always need to be reminded by people like Aimee that our problems are nothing compared to the problems of so many others out there. Yet despite their problems/obstacles they go for their goals because they refuse to accept anything less than an extraordinary life.

Aimee Mullins was born without fibula in both her legs and her parents made the painful decision of amputating both her legs when she was a baby. Despite being a double below-the-knee amputee, she set the goal of becoming an Olympic athlete, a catwalk model and a Hollywood actress. BY the age of 28, she had set world records in the 100m, 200m and Long Jump Para-Olympics. She became a catwalk model and was voted ‘The 50 Most Beautiful Women in the World’ by People Magazine. She has also become a Hollywood actress, staring in movies like ‘The World Trade Center’ in 2006. As someone who has the learnt the power of focusing on what is great in her life, she lives an extremely happy and fulfilling life dancing, roller blading, skiing and swimming. I hope the video inspires you as much as it has inspired me to keep going for my dreams despite the odds.

Just a quick post to share how happy I am that the second Adam Khoo Learning Centre has opened in BSD, Jakarta Indonesia. Our goal is to open 30 centres over the next 5 years to reach out to as many Indonesian students as possible. We believe that with our unique accelerated learning techniques, powerful English & Math and curriculum (developed by top Singaporean teachers/researchers) as well as a team of highly qualified and passionate teachers, we can help Indonesian students develop a high standard in English and Math. This way they can compete globally and enter the top universities of the world.

With Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group and our two Adam Khoo Learning Centres, we have trained over 8,000 students over the last 5 years and we look forward to continue to empower even more students in Indonesia. A big thank you to Fredrick Tan, Managing Director of Adam Khoo Learning Centre for growing the Adam Khoo Centre franchise so successfully and a big thank you to Susan Hartawan, Managing Director of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group (Indonesia) and also to Patrick Cheo, Group CEO of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group. Most of all, thank you to all the wonderful parents and students of Indonesia for supporting us these 5 years.

Did you have any childhood dreams? Was there a time when you found what you loved to do but were told by parents & friends that it was unrealistic and impossible? Are there dreams and desires you have been putting off? Are you living a life based on other people’s expectations.

This is a story I would like to share with you about pursuing our dreams. The story is about Anna Mary Robertson (born 1860). Anna was a young farm girl who loved to paint. He dream was to become a world famous painter. Alas, her parents told her that she would starve as a painter and she should forget her stupid dream. She was told that her role in life was to marry a good husband, look after the farm and raise children.

Being the obedient girl that she was, Anna put aside her dreams and started a family in her teens. She had 10 children by her 20s, had grandchildren in her 40s and was a great grandmother in her 60s.

By the age of 75, after her husband died and her children had grown up, she became too old to work on the farm. So, she decided to fulfill her childhood dream of becoming a painter. She went to the town’s art store and bought brushes, paints and canvases and started painting in front of her barn. She self studied and painted ‘Primitive American Landscape’ and sold her first painting at age 77. She became affectionately known as Grandma Moses.

By age 79, her paintings were showcased in the Museum of Modern Art (New York).
During the 1950s, her exhibitions were so popular that they broke attendance records all over the world. The National Association of House Dress Manufacturers honored her as their 1951 Woman of the Year. At age 88, Mademoiselle magazine named Grandma Moses a “Young Woman of the Year.” Philadelphia’s Moore College of Art awarded her its first honorary doctorate degree.

In the last 10 years of her life, her paintings were selling for $100,000 each. She had painted 3,600 pieces in the last 20 years.

She made more money in a year than in an entire lifetime working on the farm
In November 2006, her work Sugaring Off (1943), became her highest selling work at US $1.2 million.

It is estimated that If she had starting painting in her teens, she would have become one of the richest women in America.

So, my question you is….
Is there hidden talent within you that you have never given yourself a chance to discover?
Have Your Dreams been Extinguished by the Criticism of Others?
What are the dreams that you have been putting off in your life?
Are you going to wait for the last years of life before you discover your hidden talents?

When I first started training, one of the biggest obstacles I had to overcome was the fact that I was so young. Many parents and teachers commented on how such a young chap had the credibility to train their students/children. When I started doing corporate training at the age of 24, I got funny looks from participants who were in their 30s-50s. I had to also dress up and consciously act maturely to get the results I wanted. I would also feel some intimidation whenever I saw clients (parents, teachers, principles, HR managers, CEOs) who were always older than me. In fact, when I ran my first Patterns of Excellence Programme 10 years ago, 60% of my participants were OLDER THAN ME. It was indeed a big challenge to prove to them that I could help them succeed.

Time has really flown since then and now, I feel I am getting old man! Few months ago, I was flying on Singapore Airlines. As I was admiring the air stewardesses, two came up to me and said, ‘Hey! You are Adam Khoo!’ ‘We attended your camp when we were 15 years old!’ Wah Low! Make me feel like old man. Then, a week ago, I went to Tengah Air Base Medical centre for my FFI medical checkup. The Medic who was going to take blood from me (probably aged 18-19) said,’ Haha! you are Adam Khoo. I attended your programme when I was in Primary 5′. I felt really scared that this kid was going to stick a needle in me. Thank god, I was nice to him last time. Then when I went to see the Medical Officer (the doctor…for you civilians who dun understand), I got bigger shock. He said, ‘Are you Adam Khoo?’ I said, ‘yes?’. He said, ‘ I attended your camp when I was in sec 4 in raffles Institution!’ You inspired me to become a doctor.’ That made me feel even older still. But then, I felt great because I could see how my work over the years have made a difference in his life.

I am really proud of how well my children are growing up and would like to share with my friends some of the things that have made me smile recently. My daughter has been noticing the books I have written over the years and stares curiously as I type up the manuscript for my next book (due out in 2 months). “How come you can write so many books?” she asked. I said, ‘You can write books to if you want!”

Ever since then, she has been taking A4 paper and writing her own very very very short books (4 pages) with pictures that illustrate her story. Of course, what she writes is not original. Basically, she is plagiarizing ideas from the many children’s books she has read (e.g. Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood etc…). She mixes and meshes the stories together. She may or may not become a writer in the future, but it makes me proud to see her having a passion for something and taking action towards. It is this attitude that I have always wished for my children.

However, what makes me the most proud is not their intellectual development but their character development. They have grown up to be extremely caring, loving, appreciative and polite children. Whatever my wife serves for dinner, they would say, ‘thank you mummy for cooking dinner for us’. They thank her and thank me for fetching them around, buying things for them and cooking for them.

Every few days, they would draw cards for us telling us how much they love us and thanking us for what we do for them. This are some of the cards and paintings they have made for me.

I was very touched when my eldest daughter Kelly drew a card for my maid to thank her and to say ‘I love you’ to her. She had tears in her eyes when my daughter hugged her and gave her the card. This is the card my daughter made for our maid ‘Jagung’.

My two kids have also become very independent and self-disciplined. Whenever they come home from school, they will start to finish their homework automatically without being told. Before dinner, they will help to setup the utensils and the carry the food. After dinner, they will carry their plates back to the kitchen.

However, I must point out that all these attitudes and behaviours did not happen by chance. It is the result of their mother spending countless hours to guide them and shaping their character. I am really lucky to have a wife like her. It is not uncommon nowadays to see children and teens acting in a selfish and ungrateful manner. Some of them take their parents love for granted, even shouting back at them at times. One of my friend’s wife was recently diagnosed with kidney failure. She had to stop work and has been resting at home for the last 3 months. The sad thing is that her teenage children have not volunteered to help their mother at all. Even though the oldest son can drive, he is too busy with his hobbies to fetch his mother for dialysis treatment. The poor old women has to take a bus by herself. They would rather spend the time going out with their friends and even resent the fact that they get less pocket money now that mum can no longer work.

It is not uncommon to see some children and teens acting in a selfish manner and taking the things they have for granted. While we often blame them, my wife believes that their parents have just as much to blame as well. Respectful, grateful and kind children do not come about my accident. It is up the parents to teach them good values and to shape their behaviours from the time they are young- when they are easily moulded. Children may not always listen to what we say, but they will always learn by observing our behaviours. I also believe that our children learn to treat us by observing the way we treat OUR OWN parents. If we shout at our parents, disrespect them and don’t bother to visit them, our children will do the same things to US when we grow old. It is a kind of ‘Karma’ that comes full circle.

” There is no such thing as a bad student. Only bad teacher”- Mr. Miyagi (from the Karate Kid Movie)

Let me share some of the things that my wife has done over the years to mould my children’s character and to teach them the right values.

1) Teaching Respect for Elders
Many mums will serve their children the first piece of cake on their birthday. They believe that this is the way to show their love. We believe that by serving the first piece of cake to the kid, it may be cultivating the wrong values and mindsets. By treating the child like a ‘prince’ or ‘princess’, they will grow up thinking that the world owes them a living and think only of themselves, and not for others.
In our family, we teach our children to serve cake to all the elders first before eating their share.

2) Teaching them Gratitude
Many parents complain that their children are ungrateful. That no matter what they do for their kids, their kids only complain. What my wife and I believe is that we need to teach them to be grateful. We teach our children to thank their teachers, the maids, their grandparents and their parents (us). When I am away working overseas, my wife will tell them how I must work to earn the money to pay for the house, their school fees and their food. Every time I come home, I get a big hug from them. They then say ‘thank you for working for us.’

We also use the Internet as a resource to show them and teach them how the millions of children in poor countries are suffering without food, shelter and a proper family. We then tell them how lucky they are to have a chance to live in Singapore and be able to go to school. THis is why my kids never complain about going to school camp or doing homework.

3) Teaching them Self-Discipline
Whenever my kids come home from school, mum will always ask them to check the homework they have and to finish it as soon as possible without delay. When they make mistakes on tests, she will go through each one with them to make sure they learn from it. After her ‘coaching’, they have now formed the habit of doing it themselves.

If my own mother was like my wife, then I would never have got kicked out of school in primary three and never have become the lazy, unmotivated underachiever that I was in the past. That is why I think my kids are so lucky to have a full time mum. It does make a big difference. Then again, if I was a disciplined, motivated child to begin with, maybe I could not have become such a success story and have written by book ‘I Am Gifted, So Are You!’ So I guess everything happens for a reason.

4) Teaching them Responsibility and Self-Confidence
Although we have maids in my house, my wife tells my children to set the table and help to carry dishes from the kitchen to the dining table. When they are finished, they carry their plates to the sink. If they spill something on the floor, they are the ones to clean it up and not the maids. When we go out, they carry their own water bottles and bags. Our maids do not do it. This may seem to some like cruel child labour, but we believe that it teaches them to be independent and responsible. It also builds in them the self confidence that they can do things themselves. The best part is that they find it fun to do!

If you are a parent of young children yourself, I do hope you find my sharings useful.