A few days ago, I good friend of my introduced me to a very successful manager in the financial planning industry. During the conversation, he shared with me that no matter how much he had achieved in his career and his wealth (and he was indeed extremely successful by most people’s standards), his happiness seemed to last for only a few minutes. Soon after, he would feel unhappy again. He could not understand why no matter what he did or achieved, he was not happy with his life. In fact, he felt really down and even depressed at times.
I immediately emphasized with him and knew I could help him. Why? Because I was in that same situation about a year ago. Yes! Many people do not know this (except my wife and best friends), but in 2005, despite achieve phenomenal success in my business (Profits grew 55%), Income (I made over $1.2m) and family goals (I had my second child), believe or not… I felt depressed! I was not happy and I did not know why! There I was living a life most people would only dream of and I had people thanking me every day (personally or through email and cards) on how I had changed their life, and I did not feel happy for very long. After months of deep reflection, I FINALLY got enlightened and found the SECRET of HAPPINESS. Today, everything can go wrong and I would still laugh and feel happy! I felt that I needed to share my discovery with this person who fell in the same trap I was in one year ago!
So what is the secret to happiness and why wasn’t I happy despite all the material success? I found out that the reason I was not happy was because of the way I defined happiness to myself. You see, all of us set up mental ‘rules’ on when we should or should not be happy. I discovered that my definition for happiness was ‘when everything goes my way and when I have no problems…then I will be happy’. No wonder I was not happy!!! Because, everytime I solved a problem or achieved a goal, another problem will surface or something will not go as I expected (this is life!), then I will be unhappy AGAIN! I figured that if I continued to hold on to this crazy definition, then I will never be happy for very long in my whole life.
Why? Because there will NEVER come a time when there are no problems to solve. There will never be a day when everything goes exacty the way we planned. Many people think that when they get a promotion, increase their income or build a business, they will have less problems. In fact, the more successful you get, the more and the bigger the problems will get! The only people with no problems are the ones who are buried 6 feet underground!
What’s the point in having everything if you are not happy? It’s INSANE! So, this is when I DECIDED that I would CHANGE my definition for happiness. I told myself that I must give myself the permission to be happy. From that day of enlightenment, I decided that my definition of happiness would be ‘ as long as I give my best and act according to my values…I will be happy…no matter what the outcome!’ The amazing thing is that the moment I made that decision, I immediately felt lighter and found myself smiling and laughing! Many of us wake up on certain days feeling bad for no good reason right? So, I told myself, ‘Why not feel good everyday for no good reason?’
So instead of achieving goals to be happy, I would focus on happily achieving goals! In fact my personal motto is ‘Have Fun, Make a Difference and Make Money’. Notice that MAKE MONEY is the last one. Why? Making money should not be the main focus in life. The main focus should be doing what you love, having fun and making a difference in people’s lives! Whatever occupation you are in, you create value to another human being. Be it healing them physically (like a doctor) or finding them a dream home (like a real estate agent). When you focus on creating value to others, money and wealth will flow into your life as a by-product!
Giving myself permission to be happy was one of the greatest breakthroughs of my life. I guess, I never gave myself permission to be happy because I felt that deep down inside, I didn’t deserve it. I kept feeling that I what I was doing was not good enough. While this belief drove me to keep working harder to improve myself and achieve more, it simultaneously sabotaged me by making me miss out on the true meaning of being alive and living life! I guess, I was also afraid that if I became happy and contented, I would become complacent. Let me tell you that this is totally not true. You can feel happy and grateful for what you have AND have the burning desire to reach out and do more and make a bigger difference in the world!
During many of my seminars, the most common goal that I see people write down is ‘to be happy.’ Well, if this happens to be your goal as well, let me share with you a revelation. You will NEVER achieve this goal! Why? because HAPPINESS is NOT a goal! HAPPINESS is a STATE OF MIND! If you cannot be happy today, you will not be happy when you have $10 million (even if you are happy, it won’t last long). I have seen super rich Tai Tais with their Mercedes S-Class and their million dollar bungalows wearing Prada from head to toe, without having to work a day in their lives. Yet, they feel miserable because their hairdresser messed up their hairdo or because their friend did not invite them for Majong.
I have also seen a family of 8 cramped together in a one-room HDB flat laughing together as they enjoy each other’s company watching TV. They seemed truly happy with life! You see, again HAPPINESS is a state of mind. You have to learn how to be happy NOW, if not it will never happen no matter what you achieve. So how do you get yourself to feel happy (or sad for that matter)?
Through NLP (Neuro-Lingustic Programming), I discovered that your emotional state is determined by the thoughts you hold in your mind as well as the physiology you adopt (i..e facial expression, posture, breathing patterns). To feel absolutely happy, all you have to do is to think about all the things that you have in your life that you are grateful for! Think of all the things that are working in your life that you are taking for granted! (Your good health, your loving family, your youth). Ask yourself,’ what am I grateful for?’ Think of all the great possibilities that lay before you! And the most powerful thing you can do to make yourself feel happy is to SMILE! That’s right! When you smile, you actually feel happier! Why? It is not just psychological, but smiling actually activates a bio-chemical response. When you smile, your brain releases a chemical called Serotonin that makes you feel happy! Serotonin is actually an anti-depressant prescribed by psychiatrist, but the amazing thing is that you can manufacture this same powerful happy drug in your own mind!
The main message I would like to share in this post is that you have to take charge of your own emotional states! No one (or nothing) can make you feel bad except yourself and nothing can make you feel good except yourself. So,…be HAPPY!
 
