and adam’s face also quite good looking lar,
better looking than the 500K cheque thingie…

I would prefer the new site cause it attracts lots of attention, using strong underlined words as well as using different bright colours to create the contrast btw the background and the words. These made ur words stand out from the rest. However u may include more videos to give a short summary of what u are trying to say in ur website. This is to target those people who has a short lifespan.

To make my comment short and truefull, both of them look good
to me because your name alone will sell these books.

keep up the good works

yours Sincerely
Patrick:)

Ty Teh

After following this thread of comments for sometime, I’ve decided to point out a few things I’ve seen raised.

As a person who collects and reads internet marketing salesletters everyday , I know fairly well how an online salescopy should be written
to work effectively. I have subscribed to so many subscriber’s lists that I now have more than 4081 emails in my inbox pointing me to their salesletter pages which I do skim and/or read. Some salescopy were so compelling that I was scammed from them while others fail to make much of an impression on me.

My comments are drawn from my vast experience of reading good copywriting but please do not take my comments to be a holy grail of some sort.

I ‘ve noticed that the new salesletter has changed in many ways since the beginning of the contest. I know this because I saved the original “new” salesletter.

Looks like you have been working very hard in internalising the comments and did all the refining work necessary. Good job! I will then compare between the old salesletter and the current one at the time of writing.

Let me start by answering the questions posted.
*The second version makes me want to scroll downwards and read more because it is organized with many hooks to encourage curiosity and encourages further reading.
*The first version was more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read because it was more organized in an expected format.
However, both allows me to focus on the message.
*The second version builds up and drums the benefits into the reader better, in fact it feels like it is hammered in continuosly.
*The second version creates a more compelling offer. Will explain this shortly.
*The second one seals the deal better.

If any one salesletter should win, it would be the second one as it has been improved tremendously.

Originally the background for the second copy was black and it proves to be effective as it accentuates the white background of the content better. I would have done the same but I would tone it down a little as it can be straining, however, I would not prefer to tone it down to a grey. A darker version of navy blue that looks almost black will do it to acheive the wanted effect without pushing the limits too much. The fact that discord in colour is highly effective. Push the limit to draw the focus and when it is just about too powerful tone down just a little. That would be just nice.

Secondly, about the debate on whether to put the photo or the IRAS statement first, I believe that you should stick with the current choice of having the statement first, for the simple fact that it builds credibility very well, and then have the photo to kickoff. The current arrangement is good as it does not distract the reader too much from the title as it is slightly blurry and it does complement the headline by drawing the attention to it. However, I would prefer to have a better photo taken as it looked a little sloppy with the knee showing just beneath the shorts. Now, when building credibility, one must have the best, profesionally taken photograph upfront. Nothing wrong with showing the relaxed side , but a better pose and posture will really help. You want it in a way such that I, as a respected and big client from Europe or somewhere (who thinks “Mr Adam Khoo”
is a businessman from a country which could be in the southest part of Africa) am sitting right in front of Mr Adam Khoo and waiting to be impressed.

A new picture can also be taken while holding the printed IRAS statement and then magnified to prove the credibility, at the same time, ending the debate on whether to have the IRAS form
or the picture first.

On putting the testimonials, you want to start and end with a bang. Meaning, the first testimonial is from someone really established and well-known in the business circle
and when the salesletter goes about explaining the benefits one by one and the suspect slowly becomes a prospect, the last testimonial will get the person sold and the deal sealed.

Another suggestion is to have a testimonial right after the P.S.es as many people will scroll right into the PS. Also, people who are already sold
after reading the PS will have another reminder to the results having the program and another call to action can be made.
Your graphical recap is effective. By having it in graphic, the reader will know what the offer is and the reader will already have pictured themselves owning it. The summary table is also good to put things clearly and demonstrate the benefits being delivered and setting the high perceived value.

Newspapers cuttings are good and have been used correctly. However, you can have the graphics with a “teared” border and also arrange them more haphazardly with instead of two cuttings arranged on top of each other. We know that the newspapers which catches the eye are: Rich & Frugal, Lifestyles of the Rich $ Famous, Driving Ambition and Young Singaporean Talks For $1000 an hour. So, have the rest which are in monotone slightly enlarged and have those eye-catching articles draw the attention to those that are less conspicious.

I disagree in getting rid of the NUS poster. The NUS poster is the best thing since sliced bread and should not be neglected. That picture is a good example of how the photograph should look like in the beginning of the salesletter. Use the NUS brand as a good way to establish credibility. Communicate to the reader that NUS is a highly establish and pretigious university ranking 19th in the world and they would not
treat their brand lightly. Something must be better to show that the NUS brand is uphold and Adam Khoo is the right person. It shows that there is an academia institution backing
the “Adam Khoo” brand and because this program is meant to teach, the reader is more ready to buy. Use that.

You can use the history , track record and the business experience to your advantage better.
Meaning, exactly like how Abraham Lincoln is always illustrated.
At age 8, expelled from school for misbehavior .
At age .., top ten student within school.
At age 15, started a mobile disco business (later grew into an event management company)
At age .., NO. 1 student in the Cambridge ‘O’ Level exam
At age .., aceepted into the best Junior College in Singapore, Victoria Junior College.
At age .., accepted in National University of Singapore, top 20 universities in the world. (Currently have the world ranking of 19th)
At age .., on the dean’s list and ranked among the top 1% of students in the entire country
At age 21, started my second business (training and consultancy)
At age 22, started investing in property and stocks
At age 26, become a self-made millionaire.
…..
It tells something.

I don’t agree using flash and Java and all the bells and whistles. However, use the audiogenerator in the beginning to let readers know the voice of Adam Khoo and to explain to the reader what is being offered and have a call to action. Builds credibility and hook the readers at the beginning.

Here’s an example of a script: “Hello, I’m Adam Khoo. I have helped all my students to attain their financial freedom and to grow their wealth. If you want to learn from me, you have come to the right place.
I want you to read this page very carefully, examine the testimonials my student have willingly given me, and get yourself the programme below. It is one of the best programmes out there in the market and I’m proud of it.
If it’s not in your budget, get my “7 Steps To Financial Freedom ” CD below by keying your first name and email address. You DON’T have to pay for it. I’ll teach you how you can …(benefits) and then you can get my program.

I won’t comment much on your headline and subheadlines except to say that use what works. However, I did show the salesletters to 7 people, 1 of which is an “Adam Khoo” guy and I have gotten
diverse responses. Most of which complained that the salesletters are too boring, long and spammish. Of course, as copywriters, we know better. But, the old headline caught one of them because $936,522 is bigger than $549,078.40 . I can’t comment much about this. But one way is to do an adword campaign to see which headlines pulls in more clicks. Then, use
the one which performed better and beat your control.

Lastly, I realize when you explain the benefits you used alternate bold texts, bullet checkboxes, highlights, and empty spaces. I have seen them used very often, so again, use what works.
Just make sure the reasons for using them are known. The whole salesletter has many pockets where tension were built well. Especially at the benefits part, so suffice to say that the functions of benefits are played well.

On a final note, if you have found my comments to be useful to you, I’d appreciate you giving me the chance to have the Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires programme.

good job, both are good for me, it is instead a good reading for me and my family.

You have done the good job by enlightten people’s lifes and showing them the right way.

cheers;)

The new copywrite is better because of the added light blue.The yellow seems to be too sharp.Otherwise it is more userfriendly.
Bye

Regarding the look of the site i feel the new site is much better
than the previous one as you are aware the new things always excites a lot and we feel young only as we grow……

am sure regarding the words an experienced trainer will be picking words so carefully that it influences the reader a lot and persuade him

one more thing you can change the plain background like (black) to a striped one like black horizontal stripes in a grey background
am sure it picks the sight a lot more

and in one comment it was said that the amount quoted previously was much greateer than the new one that is your previous income is greateer than the new one.
but to be true i noticed that only after reading the comments.

moreover giving a whole picture of what a customer will get in hand as he signs in for the course like the books and cds is really a great stratergy and it is sure to persuade the customers a lot…

am watching your site for a couple of days and you are improving the site day by day

for example you’ve added your photograph at the top

changed the description of site a bit

..etc

carry on ….

looking forward for newer changes…

i’ll post some more comments as i discover some newer stratergies

take charge and live with passion