Old Copywriting vs New Copywriting
 Old Copywriting
Click here to visit the site live
 New Copywriting
Click here to visit the site live
Take a look at the two websites above.
The first example on top is the previous copywriting I had for Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires and the one below is the new version I’m currently using.
As you can see there are slight changes to the formatting, color and, if you visit the site to read the copy, small changes in the content as well. So now this is where you come in.
Because I sincerely believe that feedback is crucial to one’s success, I’m allowing myself to be open to your feedback on what you think is brilliant or bad about the new copywriting compared to the old one.
Feel free to participate and place your honest comments and feedback below and let me know what you think.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself as you take a look at the two versions:
- Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
- Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
- Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
- Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
- Which version ‘seals the deal’ and makes the order?
Also I’m holding a contest for this. I’m giving away the full Secrets Of Self-Made Millioanires program to 2 winners who give the most valuable and helpful comments and feedback about the copywriting.
So let me know what you think by placing your comment below and you could walk away with the prize.
hi,
i still feel the orginal one looks better. Coz the blue IRAS form looks very blur.
Hi,
By reading the latest updated version of your copywriting, it actually makes me want to scroll down further to find out more about how you make such a big money in the ‘Other Income’ row. Furthermore, by providing the Income Tax webpage, it denitely telling and proving to the world that this guy is really earning what mentioned on web page header.
However, it will be better if you can provide some number in the expenses to make it look more reality because by just provide income number won’t convince some people. Some people will not believe that there is no expenses for deduction. Anyway, this is just my feedback because I am not familiar how the tax system work in Singapore.
Actually, I prefer the old copywriting. In the new copywriting, a black background with text in the white foreground seems unprofessional in today’s standard of web design. The contrast is also not really soothing to the eyes.
Your proof of income at the beginning to convince your potential customers might not really be effective also. Nowadays, many internet marketers also shows their clickbank, CJ, Adsense earnings. Sad to say, some of these “proof” are fake. Smart consumers knows that such earnings may be made up easily by using photoshop.
I feel that your newspapers featuring you are very good testomonials. It would be even better if you could take more pictures of yourself in your own company (akltg) and post it in the new copywritings. Let the readers know that you really have your own company. The picture that you have inside, which is the “wealth academy” , does not really shows you inside. Such pictures really shows that you are really successful in real lives and not a fake “guru”. Maybe you can place your newspapers articles on top first rather than your income proof.
Hope my few comments are useful to your website. Thanks!
Hi….
Just to give my 2 cents worth. The new version looks more appealing, as it actually does show a actual income tax statement. Of course this adds credibilty to what you can share with others, and I believe that this will be the general opinion of many other people. However, I decided to point out the cons (in my point of view) so that you will benefit more.
(i) The headline sounds a bit too cliche and exagerated. Of course, because you are well known in Singapore, local readers will believe the headline. However, to the international readers, they will NOT be attracted to this website as they would think its a scam. Also, even the income tax statement might be photoshopped, so that takes away credibilty.
(ii) The headline is too emphasized (capital letter for every word). It distracts the readers. For example, which one of the following statement will deliver the message more strongly?
Statement 1:
“Welcome To The Wealth Academy Seminar, Results Guaranteed!”
Statement 2:
“Welcome to the Wealth Academy Seminar, RESULTS GUARANTEED!”
In my opinion, capitalization of the correct words will attract appropriate attention, instead of trying to attract attention by capitalization of every first letter of every word.
(iii) Its a good idea to lay the testimonials inbetween the page to encourage the reader to continue reading, but in my point of view, the webpage is a bit too long for an average user to scroll through. Is it better to incoperate some links to allow a reader get required parts (eg the order of the merchandise, the testimonials etc)? Or will it be more easy for viewing if the testimonials, home, order, contacts to be arranged conventionally? The newspapers articles can be at the home page to add credibility to your products.
(iv) Will it be better to use a flash entrance with a attention grabbing headline to attract the readers?
(v) I got this idea from another website. White letters against a black background might be more visually attractive than black letters against a white background. It will allow a reader to sub-conciously concentrate more on what you had written.
(vi) The link where the reader clicks to order the merchandise is too tacky. It seems like an intro to a porn website.
>>> Click HERE for Instant Access!
Hmm… I guess there is a word limit to the comments?
Aniway, that is all I can think of, will update in the future accordingly
ps: for a website with white letters against back background, you can go to the following a sample website below to view….
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=sideways
A lot better, I mean the new copywriting than the old copywriting.
I read the new one first, The combination of colour is simple and the
content is comfortable, what I like most is the REAL committment, passion, Empowering Knowlegdes Adam have gained over his 15 years in Education.
I means his journey is not full of pleasures but only solid and comprehensive experiences of exploring, Learning and consistent Actions. Adam Khoo believed it strongly and he made it as a young
26 years old which many peoples believed that to be successful at
26 years old is almost 100% mission impossible if you are starting from scratch at his starting time…1991 in business & Education.
Like other peoples, Adam built his Dream together with his devoted
friends, working partners, Trainers, Most importantly is Family like
Katherine Sia… They are his sources of wealth, how about You?
I respected Adam khoo because of his Life – Changing experiences.
He is Real. we are peoples and some peoples may think he is arrogant
and business profit minded in the old copywriting, I was part of Adam’s
pattern of Excellence – whoosh 19. I assured you, Adam & Stuart and all
of AKLTG coaching Team really makes sure that you benefits more than 100% . They are not Perfect but they are the best of Best with their consistent dedicatation that can’t be measured with…your money!
The only reason that they worked so hard is because of YOU only!!!
They want YOU to succeed in your Life.
The most important person can help you Achieves abundance of wealth
is YOU, my friend, even you have Adam Khoo’s knowledges or even all
the money you needed to implement your dream…BUT…!!!
I, myself is now undergoing tedious process in changing myself now.
I aim to implement my dream, I want to do something to bring the other
families closer together but lacking of so many things like resouces and contact with experiences. so Focus on your outcame or result lah!
Money is only temporary…values may goes down…buying can be more
Expensive. Money is an Empowerment, use it the Right way…Good
but there are living proof that money destroyed relationship, career…
in the newspaper. Q: what is meaning of money to you?
In general, I Trust Adam’s new copy writing because it is consistent in conjunction with his Empowering Lives, Designing peoples’ success Misssion, very Real and relating to his experiences and business closely with Real life stories from failures bouncing back now with thriving business, business & sales peoples strengthen Adam with a Happy testimony from…Dr Leong, Professional psychiatrist,
you knew they are always Right!!!
He leverages relax young & rich from active employment and he is
truly committed by showing & giving You 100% of his wealth creation
strategies and more…A lot More!!!
I feel that He would be always there for YOU in AKLTG.
Most Important is Adam is able to trigger your desires and boost your
motivation in his new copywriting, his buzzword is Starts taking massive
Actions now, plenty of Action… You are already starting Now by reading
Adam’s blog. so I urged you to Read his secret of self – made millionaire
use the many strategies as often as possible…
Only with consistent Action and feedback, then you are able to move toward that kind of success he is enjoying now…step by step…success
My experiences with guru like Robert kiyosaki, Dr Dennis Wee,
……… Robbin, …….. Tracy, They had been through certain Hard knocks
in their certain phases of their Life and they succeed, so can YOU!!!
Our Lives are Precious…Treasure our Time & Take Actions Now!!!
Hi Adam
Jiayu here, how have you been?
Answers to your pointers…
•Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
JY says: The original version makes me want to scroll down and read more. Firstly, there is a photo of you and this makes me feel that there is a real person talking to me as compared to the later version where I am greeted with a statement, it is a “so what?â€.
It would be better to place the statement after,
“The point I want to make to you is that I made my money first, before I ever taught anyone how to start earning their first million bucks.â€
Followed by testimonials.
•Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
JY says: The original copy, mainly it is due to the colour contrast between the copy and the background.
White and light grey is more soothing to the eye as compared to black and white.
•Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
JY says: The original copy, the flow is there. First a greeting from you, your photo, followed by a Dear Millionaire- To- Be as compared to Dear Friend.
I felt the greeting would connect with your final offer of “The Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires†package.
Followed by the back up that, hey you are really walking the talk by showing the newspapers clips, books.
And you inject a F’ree gift fot the reader who has read thus far.
Followed by your personal story of how you have gone through the ups and downs too.
** I would suggest that a few of the testimonials be placed before you introduce your package, it would entice me to, “hey show me!â€
And followed by more testimonials and I am sort of ready to fork out the money and I am just waiting for the price to be announced.
•Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
With regards to this, the new version of copywriting did better I felt. There is this table where you list each item that your potential client is going to buy and state the total perceived value for the entire package and you slash the price to a reasonable fee.
It makes me think that I am at the losing out if I am not buying, because its stated clearly all that I am going to get, $958 total value for not even $197 but $97
•Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
As a whole it would be the original version and with touch ups and add ons from the new copy, it would make me a very happy customer =)
I hope this helps (“,)
Cheers!
Jiayu
Hi.
I still prefer the old copy one thing because it shows your picture,
for me, that would make people reading your website more trusful
in you because they see you . The latter is just one of those web marketing
stuffs.
Newspaper testimonials is appealing, so long that they are true.
How YOU can be a millionaire, from the guy who made his first million by the age of 26. The first step is to listen to this audio introduction FREE!
What would you do with a million dollars?
Retire now?
Take the holiday of a lifetime?
Buy your dream house?
Get the car you always wanted?
All of the above?
233 people who bought this course became a millionaire within 2 years.
Find out how YOU can do this too!
etc.
Sorry, one more bit got missed out in the post above:
have the free audio just under the line ‘Find out how YOU can do this too!’
I think the audio is great, and could be a fabulous motivator to get people to buy the set.
Cheers!
I like the first one. At least your picture is shown and it looks like it is a real thing. Presenting your pay check is very common these days and there are many fake-ones.
Thanks.
Steve Seah
Hi Adam, while reading both sites, I couldn’t help but wonder if it is a coincidence that the format greatly resembles Derek Gehl’s site. The narrow width, yellow highlighting, loads and loads of testimonials, putting the offer up for a limited period of time, offering incentives for instant action, offering a full-money refund lest they decided to purchase the product in a spur of the moment. Quite well done I must say. However, is it necessary for there to be so much to read? I feel that both sites are too long! I can imagine a regular office worker coming across your site and deciding to check it out but having second thoughts as the boss might notice, and then dropping the idea. Also, there are certain features of both sites which I personally like and dislike. I’ll start with what I like and dislike about the old site, then the new site.
I like the white vs. grey background as it is easier on my eyes. My eyes did not feel as strained and tired after I finished reading the whole site as compared to the new site. I think the NUS print is good to keep, it gives credibility and you leverage on their reputation and credibility. For the phrase “You Do NOT Need To Give An Arm And A Leg To Swipe The EXACT Blueprint I Personally Use To Become A Millionaire By Age 26†, may I suggest having just the first letter of every word in upper case? It looks more presentable and neater. Also, I noticed some grammatical, spelling errors e.g. “This amount is only reflects my personal employment income.â€, makes the site rather unprofessional. Also, try making the articles available for reading by hosting them? The “THE LIFE! BESTSELLERS LIST†image is a tad too small! I like the multiplicity of pictures and it may be a good idea to have more pictures since humans are very visual creatures, aren’t we? And I think red black white yellow makes a perfect combination, leave the orange out.
On the new site, first thing I noticed: too much black, so much so it strains my eyes. Contrasting but tiring. I like the checklist form of showing the components of the program. Short, Concise, Sweet. For some reason, rather catchy too. Probably because it alternates between boldface and not. Although the old site presents it this way too, it isn’t as catchy as it is with the new site. I like how you listed everything out towards the end of the site, it sort of like sums up the whole chunk of what I will be ordering, much like a conclusion in an essay.
All in all, keep the testimonials, have audio if possible. Keep the pictures, host them and more if possible. Host the articles so we can read them. Keep the white vs. grey background as opposed to the white vs. black. Check the language.
P.S. After reading what I’ve written, I couldn’t help but notice that it kind of resembles a GP essay. My apologies if it’s rather dull presented in this way but I’m a JC student and this is as neat and presentable as I can present it. Thank you for taking time to read my two cents worth.
I hope I don’t sound too critical here but the 2nd one is really not up to standard black background against white content area very very straining on the eyes especially with the color combination. newspaper articles all chunked up in one area when it could be spread out as the reader might miss out on them easily. Newspaper adds to your credibility you should sprinkle them through out your copy and add more emphasis to them by making them slightly bigger in size.
The text on the 2nd one is really too tight..all clumped up one look and I don’t even feel like going through the website at all because it looks too wordy and not spread out evenly. Thirdly, adding figures such as $20 million in sales etc. makes e copy look fluffy because there isn’t any concrete evidence there at all of this. You should put stuff there which are solid. The IRAS income statement is a very good idea though you might want to make the image clearer(i can help you with that I am a web developer and graphics designer).
You might also consider adding audio to your sales copy to make it have even more impact on the reader because it gives them e feeling of your presence there with them. Powerful tool for sales if you ask me. Another thing you might also consider is adding video testimonials as they triple the impact.
I think the overall copy is good but you need to work on the aesthetics of your page layout but for the moment I’d go for the first one because I think its easy on the eyes more aesthetically well balanced and tempts you to read more without being very bombastic.
I hope this helps Adam..this is not personal I really like you as a coach and I am just giving my opinion.
Warmly,
Arvind
The newer version (Green) is better.
The appearance is more professional and appealing, catches the attention of people. Aimed for the 1st kill !
The contents were better such as it gives good guides to build up financial success e.g start by having good millionaires habbits to create, preserve and re-generate wealth. The 1st pot of gold always comes from saving whatever being retained, no matter how little it is or how long it takes. Wealth building requires a strong purpose,foresight, discipline and perserverance.
The book was reasonably well-written, not boring and not too technically difficult. Compared to financial textbooks written by professors, your concepts, though basic, yet serves more practical purposes.
Secondly, it provides reasonable yet basic advice as to how to allocate your money to basic paper assets. Reasonable for a beginner. Should highlight the need for good financial education.
These factors basically caught my attention from the book. I strongly feel these are qualities of a good book meant for meaningful educational purposes. And if, i were to recommend a similar book , these would be the reasons to help someone pick up his financial destiny.This is a good start for a book to put it on the continuing top-selling list. Some strategic enhancements to bring across basic ideas would make newer versions worthwhile a buy, a best seller.
Hope these honest comments would earn me a free book. Then i can spend more nights studying it.
Hi, Adam! As a person who has a Masters Degree in Advertising & Public Relations for over 33 years, I think that the SECOND web site is a definite improvement over the first EXCEPT that I would place your photo of yourself at the top of the copy like in the first site. Creates more credibility.
I want to congratulate you on your book as I have been a student of some of the top wealth builders in the world – Tony Robbins for two years, Marshall Thurber for two years, Bill Thaw for two years, Doug Beakman and Dick “The Blindman” Mailman, etc. It is concise and the worksheets you offer with the lessons are well thought out and simple to use.
You are an inspiration to the young and the old!
I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING EVERY SINGLE EMAIL YOU SEND ME BECAUSE I AM SO IMPRESSED BY WHAT YOU HAVE ARCHIVED AND WHAT YOU TEACH .MY SON AND DAUGHTER (are still in school) ARE ALSO FOLLOWING YOUR TEACHINGS AND READ YOUR STAFF EVERY DAY .YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO US
Hi Adam
To me I think you need to mix and match the two.
I prefer the simplicity of the orıginal’s heading – black font with a few important words in red – no highlighting or underlining.
The photo is a must – earnings graphics do nothing for me.
You look likeable, you are in front of a laptop and you are wearing casual clothes so this says to me that you are approachable and are livng your own life style because of the freedom your computer gives you.
Keep the $936,522 earnings figure because it’s current. I don’t care what you earned last year – maybe you are out of business now
It’s good that in the 2nd version you put Mei Mei’s testimonial near the top. Plus what she achieved was good but not unbelievably great.
Keep “The 7 Steps to Financial Freedom” Audio near the top because we need a WIIFM to keep us reading. The new $47 value is better because these days a $27 eBook is usually cheap and nasty so a $27 audio must be worthless.
The newspaper cuttings are great because very few online marketers get such coverage. Maybe even put them right under the heading
“How a Juvenile Misfit … now earns …. and is in the newspapers more often than Madonna”
Hope this is useful for you.
Regards
Martin Luxton
Dear Adam,
Here are my thought on the questions.
-Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
I would say that the layout for the new copy is more interesting and compelling because the main message is delivered across more strongly. However, the sentence after the tax form can be highlighted in certain areas. eg. fool-proof and upside down to emphasize certain points.
The old copy come across as more friendly as it shows your picture. Therefore, you could amend the new copy by adding your picture first and shifting the tax form after the sentence: skeptical? see it with your own eyes… together with all the newspaper cutting which make it more organised. Letting people see you first then allaying their suspicion is better than putting the tax form without showing yourself. It will make people recognise you when the newspaper cutting are shown later.
-Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
I think the old copy is easier to read and comfortable as the colour matching has less contrast. However, the font of the new copy are good as they are more attention grabbing and help me to focus when im reading and its also easier to read.
-Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
The new copy is more focused as it do not show so many pictures that could distract the reader after the convincing part is over and make people concentrate on the writing. For the benefits, i guess both is about the same as the writing is more or less the same. It more of the layout of the whole thing.
-Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
For the old copy, by putting the testomonials together would seem appear to be more convincing. However, you could put key testimonials in places that are desirable just like in the new copy. You could add some audio to the testimonials that people can click to hear. It would be even a better idea to record a short audio of yourself speaking that play when the page loads. It would be more credible and convincing.
The new copy is longer due to the larger font used and i think its a good idea to include more buy now links. Although there are some links included, i dont think they are striking enough as i miss them when i just glancing through the copy. So making the buy now link more noticable would be useful.
The new copy is definitely more compelling as the page seems longer with the bigger fonts and the reader would think that there are more bonus being offered. A summary of all the bonus given is also good as it make it look like a no brainer for them to give up on this offer after reading so far. At least, it would have instilled the desire to buy in them.
- Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
By making the appropriate amendments to the new copy, i think it would definitely be a more convincing offer and would seal the deal. It a good idea to include the free cd offer at the end of the offer to collect email address so that you can follow up. I think it would be a good idea to have a popup window that shows the cd download when the page loads as it more likely to generate opt in which you can follow up subsequently.
Hope all these comments are useful!
I bought a copy of your latest title “Secrets of Self-Made Millionaires”. Only one comment -’Invaluable and simply awesome’.
Hello Adam
Briefly speaking I prefer the new site to the old one but that could be more because I find the black background easier on my dull mind!
You asked for it so here goes:
Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting? — Old one
Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is? — New One
Regarding the other three questions you ask, I feel both sites serve those purposes equally.
What changes would I suggest? Firstly, add your picture (you use in the old one) to your new one but have your picture to the left with your text to the right and around the picture. Also create a better quality graphic of your tax return (on top of the site) with a link from the picture to a new web-page that opens in a new window offering signed proof of earnings from your accountants. This takes care of the doubters who may not believe you — for those who want to know more.
I would also use this (above method) throughout the web-page to shorten it. I feel it really is too long — but what you have to say is important — to bring home all the “benefits” and “ease all the doubts” of your visitors. By cutting down the web-site to an interesting story with just one picture of your story in just one of the newspapers but with the option to see more (for those people who want to see more) by clicking on that graphic to go to a new window. This should be done to the entire site with the product and bonuses too.
I feel you should really have (and keep) everything you do have in your web-site in the way of content — but not all shown on the same page all at once. For example have two testimonials side by side — and if one wants to see more let a whole long page of testimonials open for that person. I believe some people want to know everything about some things — not every thing about all things — as your site is now.
For now, that’s it — I’m not going to bore all your readers to death today!
I think the first sales page looks better. It looks warmer and more human – your picture is there right at the top.
what you could change about it is the big white gap next to the picture – make the text flow down the right of the picture.
Otherwise just do a split test!
Hello Adam,
I’ve been paying close attention to your salespage for quite a while.
– and why would I do that?
That’s easy to answer…
Because you have a fantastic product and some great copy on your page.
Let me answer your questions, one-by-one.
You ask:
* Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
My response:
I can tell you without hesitation that your original page has a lot more appeal to me for more than one reason.
1. Your second page graphic is too fuzzy and looks a bit “cheesy”. I have seen too many other sites in the past few years that have similar graphics and they are usually on “get rich quick” sites.
Your site and product is definitely not this at at, so don’t lower your standards by appearing so to the viewers.
2. On your original page…
Your smiling face builds instant rappport with your audience because it is putting a real person in front of a skeptical audience. I shouldn’t have to tell you that the majority of websurfers have their guard up.
When you put your picture at the top (like you’ve done on the original page), it lets me know that you are not hiding behind a fake identity… You are real… you are happy (because you are making money with your system)… and you are a winner. Just look at that smile… very confident!
3. I don’t like the “Dear friend” on the second page because it is overused and has lost its power… on the original page you say, “Dear Millionaire to be”… excellent! Because you are honing in on your target market.
You ask:
* Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
My response:
As I’ve already stated, the graphic is too fuzzy and is even a HUGE distraction from your powerful headline and subhead.
I also think the black background is too much of a distraction and has too much contrast to the white page. True that black background tend to pull better in conversions, but as far as straining the eyes goes, I much prefer the greay background on the original sales page.
You ask:
* Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
I will say that I do like the testimonial up high on the page (like you have on the second (reworked) page. Besides, look at the smiling face on that beautiful girl… she is very happy. People that visit your site know instantly that she is excited about your program. You can see instant results and benefits when looking at this testimonial.
I will say that I think you should put at least four or five bulleted benefits up high on the page… pick the best benefits you can think of and show them off to your reader.
Let them know that these benefits can be “their” benefits!
You ask:
* Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
My response:
I will say that both have great offers, but the original seems to be cleaner and more enticing than the newer one.
You ask:
* Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
My reponse:
Although the number one sales letter has better visual appeal, I like the way your number two closing says:
“You Get Instant Exclusive Access To The Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires 7 Component Program, All The 12 Fast Action Bonus CDs And The Kick-Start Action Manual all for Just (US$197) US$97!”
I can’t duplicate the crossed out $197.00 here, but I think it is better to have the crossed out (original amount) followed by the discount amount.
In closing, I would like to say that both of these sales letters have great elements in them and I would create a hybrid of the two.
Of course you know very well that the only way to really know which one sells better is to test, test, test!
That’s all I have for now…
I wish you much success my friend great job!
Hi Adam,
The new one is better. The red catches your eye immediately. Also, the yellow highlighted section draws you in.
However, I find “And Now Earns X A Year” (in the old version) to be more powerful and compelling than “And Earned Y Just Last Year Alone” in the new version.
You have a bigger number and less words in the first and so it has a bit more punch. Since the average of what you earn a year is bigger than what you earned last year, I feel it is more compelling, and it also requires less thought and explanation to understand it.
Overall, since you have 3 seconds to grab your scatter-brained visitor (people online have the attention-span of a bug), I think the solid red, the highlight, and the bigger number will be the most compelling.
I believe those who prefer the old are those who are already part of the converted. It gives them a feeling of familiarity and reassurance. But since the headline is for new people, not those who already know you, I think your new one has more elements to attract attention.
I also think that you are definitely on the right track with this whole concept of testing and asking for feedback. A winning strategy.
Best,
Saleem
Hi Adam,
Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
In terms of color, the first live site looks better. However it can be improved. Personally, I feel that this site http://www.adam-khoo.com/?p=40 is the best of all 3. Both sites are too long.
Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
Color therapy reveals that when black and yellow combines together, it gives the feeling of danger. (Think radioactive, scorpion). Soft colors will make it eay on reader’s eyes.
Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
I especially like the “There are 7 main components to this program”; in which the red tick in the box really attracted my attention.
Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
The 2nd version makes a more compelling offer.
Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
The 2nd version will make me want to take up your offer.
Dear Adam
First of all,
Thanks for sharing your ideas and know-how over the internet and via the books that I had purchased, I am inspired to write my book and eventually it will helped others in a way it is intended to.
Now you Copy writing,
For the old copywriting, it is not appealling mainly because the Red highlighted words/short phrase does not call out to me to read further. Maybe the color combination does not match well over the background.
As for the photo, maybe it has been on your website for way too long, gives me the feeling that it may be old information or similar thing I had read.
Now for the new copywriting, I am looking straight at Millionaire by age 26, mainly because the words is enclosed by yellow and all those red words became just another background when I glance at it before I am caught by the Millionaire by age 26.
As for the attached IRA statement, great idea, many times when I listen to those marketing talk from MLS, they always show me a cheque they made, I really wonder if it is real as they were all photocopies. I do believe that you will not forge a IRA statement.
So it does conclude that I do click on the link to read more, however when I do scroll down, I lost my focus and didn’t read further. There is something I cannot figure out why yet.
That is all for me now, I hope you will increase your passive income further after the improvement.
Hi, Adam
1. most probably i think the new one will draw my attention to read some more, its beacause in the new one you have attatched wif a strong testimonial to boost up and prove that your product is work and its been tested, yet if can, i mean you can put the testimonial together, because what i think is the main thing that will make me want to know actually what have made them success is the testimonial itself, and this create a curiousity in me want to find out more and more reason how they did it.
2. For me, the most comfortable to the eye and easier to read and allows me to focus on is after the part that you want to talk about how you started to make your millions… cause i believed that people more interested in HOW TO make million, and whats the tools that can help them. Furthurmore is that when i come to the Announcing
‘The Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires’ Program! and scroll to the 7 main components to this program, i really dont feel like want to read it and just skip that part… cause I DON’T LIKE TO FILL IN THE BLANK, Im here to see your product and know more about your product but not to fill in the blank, it’s really make me frustrated when i tried to read yet i DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER, maybe I’m stupid… who knows. Anyway, if you can give me that book as a gift, mayb i will cosider to fill in the blank with the correct answer.haha… just joking…
and i discovered that when i reading your new version, my eye feel kindof tire, i think maybe its due to the font & background color.Maybe a soft colour will be better, such as light blue or light green.
3. I think both also will build up and drums the benifits to the reader. cause after read it, i did learned to change my mindset if i want to be success like you.
4. the new version will create a more compelling offer for the reader, cos its shown out the actual price for both of the products, but you sell it at US$197, and now you sell it at US$97 only with a promotion price.
5. I think the new version will ‘seals the deal’ and makes the order. Why??? i don’t know, I just think so. But i haven purchased yet. BY the way, i decided to buy your book ‘Secret Of Self-Made Millionaire’
Anyway, I kind of admire you, you are really a good YOUNG SELF MADE MILLIONAIRE example in Singapore.
Hi Adam,
It’s ok if I don’t get your prize.
Both copywrite actually sound “exagerrated”, not convincing, and pretty much standard.
Why? While the headline says about making millions of dollars, the website doesn’t really look like millions dollars.
I have seen many other people offering courses or “secrets” to becoming a millionaire and in general they use the same technique: loud headline, loud colors and lots of text. Derek Gehl’s IMC for example.
If I may give a suggestion, since you’ve already built a strong reputation in Singapore, and that you’ve already hit the million dollar mark, you could use a designer’s service to enhance the web designs together with your reader comments, even though your webpage is just a few.
No, you don’t have to use Flash or any fancy animation or fancy website designs, just Keep It Simple but more enhanced, more befitting somebody who has millions of dollars.
Cheers
AT
Hi Adam,
Personally, I prefered the new version as the dark background color make reading more focus compared to the old version.
Maybe you can add a small pop up window at somewhere along the copy to remind readers to sign up for your stuff.
I supposed your target audience would be international. Maybe having some comments from other international readers / customers maybe more convincing as some readers might felt that the ideas in your book maybe only suitable for our local context.
just my 2 cents comments.
success and regards.
jeff
Hi Adam, below are my thoughts on your 2 versions of your copywriters:
1) Firstly, I just did a small test with my brothers – I sent the old version to my younger bro and the new one to my elder bro. Their response were independent of each other. My younger brother read line by line intently, read 2 of the testimonials, and all the way till the end of the page. On the other hand, my elder brother read till component 3 of program, dragged the side scroll bar downwards, and decided it was too long. He exited the page without even scrolling till the end.
2)Firstly, I feel the heading of the version1 is more eye-catching because of the value. $936,522 is way more impressive than $549,078.40. Yes, it is still a huge sum, but really doesn’t “WOW” the reader as much.
3)The biggest mistake in version2 is not having a picture of yourself! Guess your designer may have missed that.
4) News articles are the greatest testimonials, and so MUST stay. It will be good though if people could click on the artcles to enlarge it, or be directed to an online source for it. (esp if you want to add credibility to foreign readers; most Singaporeans of course know you). You can also add the date of the publications as well as the newspaper name. Remember the recent article about you that came out in the Sunday’s papers several weeks ago? You have to include that too, as it not only adds credibility, but also the date of the article speaks volumes. People love updated stuff, so that will show that you are still in the headlines today.
5)Version2 doesn’t include the books that you have written or co-authored. With the pictures of these books, along with the bestsellers list from Life! for these books, you absolutely will NOT come across as some half-baked author. Would it be a good idea to include the current book “Secrets of self-made millionaires” too? In fact, I think it is a good iway to advertise these other books, as I myself have gotten the other 2 books from the 4, and intending to get the 3rd when I saw this sales page 2 months back.
6)The testimonials in version2 seems to be all over the place and unorganised. This disrupts the flow of the sales page. I feel they should all be placed at one part of the page. However, do not put too many testimonials as I think most people don’t really care about these ppl unless they are known. (skeptics may even think these guys don’t exist) So, it would help if you can have testimonials from some well-known people.
7)The content describing the free bonus package is more than that of the main package in version 2 I feel that more focus should be placed on the main package rather than the free package. The one describing the free package in version 1 is brief and good.
9)The picture showing the recent wealth academy in version 2 is definitely much better, as it is larger and most part of the photo is filled with people. Also, the pic in version2 shows happy,excited,motivated and energized people while that in version1 shows “sian” people. Again, you can put the date at which the wealth seminar was conducted. Including links to ALKG’s homepage to show the seminars that you conduct can be very useful. I was very impressed when I visited that website. It would also be good if you can have a picture of yourself standing beside the logo of your company ALKG, with the description – founder of ALKG. Shiok!
10)The part on “Skeptical” You don’t ……own eyes” must be in RED. However I looked at it, the RED text for this is definitely more striking. It doesn’t stand out to have it black against a black background.
11)”You need to take actuon right now” is better in Version1 with better, eye-catching fonts. The fonts in version2 are small, boring, lengthy and without highlighting. Looks like a chunk of words with no focus.
12) The recap part (Lets Recap This. Here’s the Total Amount Of Value You Are Going To Receive) is very good. It works great because it provides a summary of what the person is going to get, after being overwhelmed by the amount he has read earlier.
13) Put an audio in the sales page where visitors can choose to click to play. Afterall, giving speeches to motivate is your forte and you absolutely want to use this asset of yours to convince the viewers instead of a whole page of words.
14) You have to offer another kind of payment mode – Local bank transfer (POSB/UOB direct bank transfer), although I don’t know how you can automate this. This is a must as you could be potentially losing a huge amount of revenue from this group of people – local teenagers/students. Majority of them do not have a debit card, and are under 21 to apply for a credit card, so they won’t have paypal too.
15) I did a word count on version2. It amounted to over 13,600 words! In your book “I am gifted, so are you”, you mentioned that the power-reading speed is b/w 600-840 words/min. That would take a power-reader 16-22 mins to read this. But an average reader with a reading speed of 240-360 words/min would take 37-54 mins! A salesletter shouldn’t take too long to read as most individuals won’t want to spend too long reading a salespage (like in the case of my elder brother who left the page without even scrolling till the end). The salesletter definitely has to be shortened alot, and engineered to capture the attention of the reader in at little words as possible.
PS: I don’t know about the color themes, but the above should be corrected as they will play a bigger role in conversion rates.
Best regards,
Desmond Foo.
Several things pop out – at first I like the layout of the new, however several things pop out. 0 expenses is certainly one. On the old the blank space on the right side looks incorrect.
For me the two letters have their goods and bads, the ideal will be the first one but using the description components in the second one.
Thanks
I felt that the old one is still better than the new one as the old one give a bit of mistery of it and lure reader into searching more and find out.
give it ” first impressions” touch
like slogan or something that can always be remembered by your visitor
like ” new Version is Come for your Income ” or ” click here to be millionaire ”
hope that will improve somebody’s life…
Hi Adam and everyone!
Here’s my humble opinion:
The old version is much more interesting as there are pictures of you and your products. A picture is worth a thousands words as the saying goes though the new copy is visually appealing as it shows your income statement.
Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
I reckon it’s the second one too because after seeing the figure on the income statement, people will be curious as to how you achieve that.
What kind of work do you do or business and how did you succeed?
Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
I feel that new one is just as good as the old copywriting.
I agree with Derek Ghel that as long as you write interesting copywriting that captures the audience’s interest and their desire to know more, readers actually WOULD read long “salesletter”. I say so because this is how I respond to long copywriting, as long as my attention is captured because I enjoy what I am reading. I mean, your fans and readers read your blog cos they enjoy it, it really doesn’t matter how short the article is.
Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order
The second version definitely achieves the above 3 effects b’cos of the income tax statement. People like to hear and find out how you get to where you are today, your success story. I feel that coupled with the testimonials, the flow of the copywriting is there and will lead to the “closing” which I reckon will highly increase the chances of people buying.
I reckon the new page will be a more direct straightforward, kind of (forgive my language), quoting one of the best American salesman from the book “Tips from the best salesperson”, “Just sell the darn thing!”
No fuss or gimicks and just give the readers what you intend to help them with.
I hope I have helped answered some of your questions and thank you for reading my comments!
I am sure you are already on your way to improving your copywriting!
Go go Adam!
Cheers!
Hi Adam,
I have been a fan of yours for almost a year now. I prefer the original version better.
1. Even though there are some parts of the new version which I like, for example, the part where it shows the cost of The Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires Total Program: The Normal Price and Today’s Price. It helps me realize that the program is really a bargain.
2. One major and important thing which the new version leaves out is to put a picture of you right at the top of the site just like your original version. It is your face which can creatre credibility to your site and makes people want to scroll down to find out further. The new version also does not contain the print ad which you did for the NUS. Like I said, these are the things that will increase your credibility which finally can help viewers to seal the deal.
This is extra information to help you to be even more successful in your business when you apply these 3 marketing tips:
1. Overt Benefit
2. Overt Credibility
3. Overt Differentiation
I would reccommend you to read up on The 3 physics of marketing. Hope these information can help you in choosing the right version.
PS, even though if I did not win the book, it would be great if you can give it to me for free as I am your die heart fan and I believe with the book, I will be a successful person in the future. And believe me, if I am successful in the future, I will recommend you to those I know. BTW, for your info, I have just started a home based business
after hearing all about changing my mindset and having the right strategy.
Your true fan,
Muhd Fauzi Abdullah
Hi Adam,
Nice work there. As you have made such a tremendous effort to advertise yourself therefore I will make an equal amount of effort to give my two cents worth.
In general I will go with the new copy writing because first of all the Income statement speaks for itself. Although it is in Singapore dollars, I believe the overseas people (i believe should be for US market) will want to earn an attractive income like you.
The initial stage where you mentioned that ” I know you are sick and tired of all the website thrown….”.. I think this is not a good way to start because you are already creating a negative emotion towards your own proposal. What I feel is that you should always amplify your positive statements and reduce the intensity of any negative comments. To show the contrast of the negative aspect vs the positive aspects, you might want to consider posing it as a QUESTION (for the negative remarks) and use the positive remarks as your SOLUTIONS…
The next partwhich is your news paper articles, you may want to emphasise that the cuttings are all from the mainstream papers (as the overseas market people may not be aware where it is from) … If you have articles that are published based on foreign magazines like the peak or Time, then it will further enhance your creditability. I think the article with michael jordan ( i think) is a good one…. name the source.
Next all testimonials should be accompanied with the company name so that readers can take reference from it.
For the fast action bonus disc, I can certainly feel that you have explore all the values it can bring to your clients. However the contrasting tone of bolding and normal fonts makes it visually unclear. If I just glance through the screen, I will only take notice of those in Bold, so if you want to maintain the same style, then all the most important points must be in bold and the normal ones can act as supporting points….
Of course although I feel that the layout is very long, I strongly believe that you have done your studies about the market to find that this is acceptable… As I always believe that different market respond differently to different methods of advertising.
Last but not the least, I notice that you have mentioned many times financial freedom and being rich but what is the main value your clients want to be rich? You may want to list down the lifestyle in which most people will dream of having so that they can visualise the pleasure of being successful and want to motivate themselves to work towards it by taking part in your career.
This is all I can think off for the moment…. Hope it is three cents worth. Cheers…
Andy
hmmm, I am here to strike the price, one word to said, whatever your site appeal, through your confidential, it looks good.
Hi Adam,
I did join your mailing list at first through your Old Copy to see what you have to offer. Frankly speaking, both versions are good. But, the New Version will appeal more to me if and alot of numbers to prove that you are successful.
SomethingVeryBig
Hi Adam Khoo,
basically, I think the new one look better and will definitely have a much higher chance to “seal the deal” . Firstly, as it shows the income tax right at the top, and the moment people saw it, it will automatically spark an interest in them and make them want to scroll down and read more about it, esp so with the big amount. As income tax paper can’t and most probably be false, it will do a great job in convincing people about your program.
Overall, the new one is about “showing my results then later sell my products” while the old one is more of “selling my products while showing my results”. Hence the new one is better because people will only buy or go for something that is good and effective and produce the promised results.And your new site done a great job in showcasing to customers how your products/service can work for them and change their life!
Secondly, face it, the society we live in adores and believe in person(like u in instance) which produces extrodinary results . And by showing the income tax thingy on top, thats a very good results slip for potential customers.
Thirdly, with all the supporting articles from Newpaper, Straitstime etc etc it would further convince people that you do practice what you preach and you’re a high achievers, and that will tremendously increase your credibility. Again like I say, its all in the mind,majority of people just adores and respect people which produces extrodinary results(esp kiasu singaporean). And you done quite a great job in promoting that to your potential pool of customers.
Fourthly, with the great bargain aand stuff that is being offered, this will make them feel money well-spent and again, it will contribute to the “seal the deal” factor.
Ok, now come to one bad point about your new site image, after all the evidences and proven results of the super high achiever, I believe that if i were one of those that visited your new site, I’d be curious as to, Hmm..how do this guy look like? No Pic?..Is it maybe he just manage to grab some article, pic and stuff and cook up the site? So yup, i tink all you lack is a nice big picture of you..haha..no kidding..
And preferably 2 pictures, one which is your self-pic (this will also promote you as some people who are lazy to read those words but knows and recognised who Adam Khoo is will be glued longer to your site as people will wondered what a millionaire like u would be doing or selling online..again it contribute to the “Seal the deal factor”)
Now back to the reason for a 2nd photo, a 2nd photo should be a clear one with you taken with your pupils(or shall i say people who come to your seminar) remember, your face in the picture MUST be clear and would be best if there is a large group of people (the larger the better) at the background. This will further convinced that your program is a success and that the overall turn-up is overwhelming. Heard of a phrase before? People attract people, so yup, if there is a large group of people in the pics you stand a better chance in “sealing the deal” because one thing will go straight to the mind of those who saw the picture, It Works!! thats why there is a large turn-up!! otherwise who cares to be there..right?
Lastly if you considered all those that I stated above, my prediction is that you’ll be laughing your way to the bank and hopefully I’ll be seeing you in the future issue of Forbes or Fortune magazine.And not forgetting, if I am the lucky one who walks away with your new book, I be really happy if you can leave your autograph on the book.
Thanks and wishing you all the best!!
Derrick Yeo
I prefer the firat version for the following 2 reasons
1) Compelling headline that already creates a “How-to” benefit for readers.
2) Greater credibility by adding your photo and news articles written about you.
3) I would add a few more “prder now” or click here for instant access sprinkled throughout the webpage to seal the deal faster instead of at te end only.
1. Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more
because you find it interesting?
=>newer one. i feel the emotion since the beginning, the sales copy guide
me step by step to the ‘peak’ emotion [my heart beating getting faster
and faster] so at last i say to myself at last ‘I MUST BUY IT NOW!!!’. by
this is time you reading this, i approach one of my friend who has credit
card… i want to buy it but i don’t have a credit card.
2. Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to
focus on what the message is?
=>newer one, because of it switch between words and picture. not like
older one, begin with words and words and words… boring laa. but one
thing about the colour, i prefer older one with combination colour
between white and gray. the combination colour for newer one between
black and white seems like ‘porn site’. no offense mode [ON].
3. Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
=>newer one. i feel that the position you choose to place the testimony and
explanation of the benefit in newer one makes me know better what
sholud i learn in order to succedd in internet.
4. Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
=>newer one, but one thing i think you should change for your sales copy is
reduce the explanation of each CD’s that i think too long… if i were you,
i will make another link to another page that full describe what will i
learn from the CD ‘OR’ make a ‘go to up’ and ‘go to down’ script so
make easy to read.
5. Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
=>newer one. hmmm….this is COOL Man! BUT….you need to add again in
the newer one your CV in NUS and the add…. IS VERY POWERFUL. cos
what? everyone knows NUS reputable!
Thanx for this opportunity Adam. See you at the Higher Place, See you at the TOP!
Hi Adam
Regarding the both website, I have some response :
Q : Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
A : The original version makes me want to scroll down and read more. It’s much more simple. The important thing is there is a photo of you, means it’s a credible and real person that will teach us reach the millionaire goals.
Q : Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
A : The original copy, mainly it is due to the colour contrast between the copy and the background.Beside, the original one is more aesthetically well balanced and tempts you to read more without being exaggerating.
Q : Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
A : The original copy.This site is created by the person, that have to be there at the front page. The greeting : “Dear Millionaire – To- Be ” is better than ” Dear Friend ” . Everyone, even the hopeless one, have a dream to be rich ( means : millionaire ), but not everyone want to make friend to others, even they are a successful persons ( read : millionaire )
Q : Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
A : In my opinion, the new version did better.I notice that It’s providing a table and checklist to attract more customer.
Q : Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
A : Overally the original version, the story is more flowing,and not pushing the customer too much to close the sales. This is an information and education business. I’m sure all your “customer to be ” will put their order if they find it useful, without exagerating your IRA at the first.
If I could quote : ” People don’t care HOW MUCH YOU KNOW, until they know HOW MUCH YOU CARE ” by : John C. Maxwell
First, you should made the people know, that you REALLY CARE to make them a MILLIONAIRE. In the original version, by showing your photograph with your smiling and relaxing face and greeting others by a millionaire to be, already show that you care to others. Opposite to the new version, with the proof of your IRA at the front page, WHO CARES, while others can make a fake one easily ( not meaning to doubt about your IRA credibility .,
SUGGESTION :
Basicly, I prefer the origin one better than the new one. But, I have a suggestion if you are going to reuse the original version. Just make it a FULLY PAGES as on your new version. Because, at the right side of your photograph have a big blank spot.
Best regards,
Martono – Indonesia
* Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
The colours from rthe second version is definitely more appealing to the eyes but the first version has a more compelling headline.
* Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
Neither. Which is a question that I would like to ask. What is your focus for both the websites. Is it tp provide more information to people wanting to buy the resource or to get people to buy?
* Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
Both versions does the job equally well.
* Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
first version
* Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
You might want to consider adding more “buy it now icons” or use bundling approach.
very good
Hi Adam,
It’s a really good improvement. I agree a lot with what my friend Adam Wong said above, and here’s my comments from a customer’s point-of-view.
Prefered Headline Colour: Old
Red defintely attracts attention, but for this case, I got put off when too much red is used. The Highlighting of “Millionaire by 26″ also seems to lose its effect on me. Perhaps you could bring back the old colours but add red to “Millionaire by 26″
Prefered Headline Words: Old
$936,522 is more impressive than $549,078.40, even though there are fewer digits in the former. I go wow with the latter, but WOW with the former.
Prefered overall header format: New
The proof of your $549,078.40 really kicks ass. The bigger font for the sub-header also makes it more effective. A personal picture of you is not needed.
Prefered sales letter: New
Inserting Mei Mei’s testimonial at the front was very effective in capturing my attention. The overall salesletter is more gripping and seems to portray more value, partly because you added in more words for the Fast Action Bonuses. I liked the “friendlier” old salesletter, but when it comes to putting down my money to buy, I guess the new one will grip my heart more and make me reach out for my credit card.
Perfered website format: Old
The old one is better, hands-down. Its more soothing to the eye and I don’t get put off easily. For the new, while its more striking, its definitely was an overkill for me. I was tempted to skip everything and scroll down all the way to the bottom.
Perfered overall website: New
Considering all the factors, the new one is better, and if the colour formatting can be toned down just a little bit, it’ll be even more impressive.
Hope this has added value to you!
Charles
I like the first one better because I relate more to seeing your face and I don’t wnat to make the effort to reading the graph in the 2nd one.
This is the first internet marketing material that i have patiently read thru in full cos i know you are not a scam… i have seen you in real life b4. the income tax screen makes me want to go thru the website more…
But i am terribly confused by the special offers free gifts here and there… seems there are more than one program that you have on offer… Can you enlighten me what is the difference in them… In the end i chose the most dumb way by getting your book from popular bookstore…
Hi Adam,
I can’t afford your complete programme right now. And find your programme very interesting, and I wish I will win a copie of your bestselling SecretsOf Self-Made Millionaires program. I will pray to get it !
Best regards,
Mario Turcotte
Quebec, Canada
Oops i am so sorry… i have gone thru too many of your sites that i got them mixed up…
The old one is more appealing cos of the background (not black)
still feel the old one is better
Mr. Khoo,
Your site has been an interest to many people and of course an inspiration to those who loved giving positive testimony of their success stories.
your new site’s introducing page is definitely impressive with the after tax revenue showing such a huge amount and it is attractive to the users by the content.
and it is obvious that you have put so much effort in your site’s success and it is visible too…
however…
as i have studied consumer behaviour, i would like to give you small details that will help you manage your siteand make it more user friendly:
1) it would be far better to cut th ewebsite into other webpages in your website with a bar on the left that would guide people to subcategories of your site such as: “publications”, “testimony”, “about me”, “free downloads” and “in press” .. etc.
– this will organize your site and help the users to concentrate on a specific issue and not mix so much the ideas that they are receiving.
– also, it will decrease the feeling of a long reading which is perceived by the left scrollbar that shows how many scrolldowns are left to read.
– users don’t like reading a lot, they prefer being straight to the point, thus this categorization of your site will give them just that.
*- your site has a good way of emphasizing on words and special important key topics by underlining them, changing colour and font type (capital, bold, italic…). congrats!
*- it would be better if you would widen the site’s page… having it in the middle with such a narrow width makes it hard to read and much to scroll down: this irritates customers/readers and they simply scroll down to where pictures are or simply close the site.
*- it would be better to put some of the text in points rather than having them in narrative form, since it would facilitate the keeping of information in the memory and for ease of follow up.
the second version is definitely interesting.. but maybe it would be nice to have your picture on the upper right of the letter’s begining? this would create a feeling as if you are personally talking to the reader and thus create a more personalized offer feeling and most probably the reader would seal the deal by feeling you are an honest person and not some spammer who hides behind the IP address.
i hope i have been helpful,
Sincerely,
Annie
Hey Adam,
If you put some sample videos on the sales page will be better, at least
search engine may indexing your pages faster….
Dan
Hi Adam,
in my opinion the actual seller of Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires is your story as you started from scratch and became a very successful businessman as well as speaker and coach.
Still there are some differences for which I feel that the second version is in several aspects better:
1. The number One important difference seems to me that statement you have earned $….last year instead of earning now $ … and that you come right there at the spot with the proof. The reader is actually forced to look at the proof and you got your first YES already in the first few seconds he is on your page. What more compelling method is there to get a reader’s attention as fast as this?
2. Further it builds up better from the start by placing the same modules a little bit different; f.e.the paragraph urging to read through (the first after headline) makes really much more sense in the second version as you have given there already a proof of your claim.
3. It is easier readable and therefore more comfortable and urges to read all through the letter. The grey background of the original version may be more comfortable for the eyes, but I feel anyhow that I can read the new version better.
4. But more important; I think it makes a more serious impression on the reader.
5. To spread the testimonials all over the letter works much better than before, where there were too many at one place. For my taste there are still too many in quantity on the sales page – f.e. you could put a countless number on a separate page accessable through a link on this page, or put one or two into the long text part in the middle.
6. However, on the other hand I was missing on the second version the ad you made with the N.U.S.
7. I like very much that near the end how you gave more thought to “Take The Action” (after your guarantee) and I am convinced you should put right there your Order button.
8. To take this idea a little further I would suggest to take your “Recap” (which is really good) one paragraph ahead of the “Take Action”. I feel it to be natural after “Recap” and “Take Action” to take the decision at this point, if it was not done earlier.
9. Some suggestions you could try (test):
I would keep your Photograph also in the new version, but after the paragraph “Read This Letter…,” may be on the right side. It would make your offer more personal and real.
You could improve the first part of your copy (presenting yourself and your achievements) by throwing in between some benefits the reader would get further on. This would help the reader to feel more involved with yourself.
To write down all my thoughts here might be too long and I hope not boring to anyone, but I like to invite you Adam to contact me for further discussions.
I hope this may be of any worth to you.
All success,
Juergen
Hi Adam,
You have a lot of awesome feedback comments that go into great detail here. So I am not going to go on too much.
Personally I like the original site much better.
The photo of yourself makes it more personable for a start, & it covers everything needed to know for customers to make a decision to purchase.
The second site was a lot brighter, but made my eyes go a bit funny after reading right through it, & just seemed a bit too much like a typical sales page, & much less personal I thought.
I downloaded your free 7 steps to financial freedom a while ago, so I know you know what you are talking about. Even that was very informative, & useful.
I couldn’t purchase at the time, credit card was a bit full….
I had been very unfocused at that time, Have just started an online course to become focused, & changing my mindset to where it needs to be… Your program would be a great asset to anyone I’m sure of that!
In my opinion the original site is much better though & that’s from someone that has been a bit of a sucker when it comes to great sales pages………I would think your CTR & Sales would be much higher on the original site…..
Hope that helps somewhat!
Sincerely Dianne.
Hello Adam:
I prefer the second one. My reason is that individuals seeking help
to become wealthy will immediately take notice of the
Millionaire at age 26. That in itself will encourage them
to read more. The color is more pleasing and much easier to
read and the significate part stands out as soon as you
see the Words “Millionaire” “26″. Those two things sell the
site.
The Black Lettering tells the whole story while the Red Lettering
gives the background.
The first site is not as pleasing to the eyes, because of the mixture
of Red/Black/Red/Black, etc. Makes it more difficult to have
your eyes focus on the important area that you want them to
remember.
The age 26 tells them that if you can do it at the age of 26, then
they should be able to do it at their age.
The Blue is a calming color and also reflects honesty. This
allows them to accept the contents and to read it without bias.
Then as you go down the page all of the letter is in Black which
reflects the concept of reading a book…this two reflects the
strength and character of the individuals who is presenting
his history and success.
Thanks,
Don
Hi,
I think the new one looks better as it gives people look at the data you try to present in a more structural way.
However, if you could add some flash animation to the page, that would be even better.
Thanks
ST Ooi
Hi Adam,
I think the new one is better. It shows one real concrete proof via the iras tax return. However, it would be so much better if the figure is one million or more rather than about half of it. The half million leaves the question whether you are already a millionaire to someone who doesn’t know you. The question is most of the people who visits your website would probably not have known you – that’s precisely why you are trying to market to them your book.
Having read your book, I want to tell you that you really teach your true techniques or tactics without holding back not like a lot of other books or people who claimed that they are already millionaires.
Perhaps you could set up a trust or fund to help other fellow human beings to become millionaires like you so that all fellow Singaporeans could be lifted to a level of self-sufficiency without having to burden the Singapore Society or the world around them.
Hi Adam,
I would prefer a mixture of both. The older version gives a fresh look to the readers (maybe you can play around with some colours within your website); and the content of the newer version is definately more attractive (makes the reader wants to find out more details).
Cheers!
Eric Pook
Hi Adam, after that offer of a freebie and making comments couldn’t help myself! I really prefer your latest choice, the blue on that page really catches my eye. So many copywriting pages are so stock standard, look the same (sorry but obviously mostly made by men!) who don’t particularly care what something looks like. I think to move forward in the future copywriting pages have to look different from the pack. Photos are good but I think that blue area softens things, so much copywriting is hard and factual and often its total BS but as a woman I like the look of this second one it draws my eye and makes me want to look further. I’ve never much liked copywritten pages but this one looks different. Someone mentioned it looked blurry, it doesn’t matter! Basically the two pages are the same except for that top part. I like the pictures and colour on the page with all those articles but I’d personally like it if I could click onto those articles and read them. I think you’re doing a great job Adam and an inspiration to me at 45, who only in recent years has got into internet marketing. Warm and best wishes, Lisa :^)
hi, Adam,
Simple and short Adv.
Too long statement wil make the reader bored.
best regards,
Allson
Hi Adam
I like black colour but the new black backgroud might create a very narrow visual view for the “white” content in between the two “black” strips. It might make people less open in mind to accept the message due to this visual effect.
I think the image of your best selling books (I am gifted…, Master your mind…., etc) still good to be there. For people who still don’t know about you but visit bookshop frequently, they will realise that you are the actual author and hence interest them to read on. For people who know about you but never see your books before, now they might want to look for those books to find out why there are best selling.
Your photo featured for NUS biz school is very powerful! You might have your reason to remove it but I see it will open a lot of people’s mind when they see this. This is important because not everyonw knows or likes you. The NUS page would change their mind.
I guess the page is rather long and people might stop reading half way. I would suggest make “Announcing ‘The Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires’ Program!” to be clicked on a new page. This also don’t give people an impression that this wedpage seems to be selling “goods” instead of providing ‘The Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires’
Thank you for allowing me to comment
Best regards
Joon Kee
Dear Millionaire Adam,
When you post a question like this you would hear tooooo many opinion, I don’t want to add more. Do what you feel right.
If I were you, I won’t say out how much I earn, let people imagine. Thereare many ways to say you are a high-income earner. You can say how many students you have, you may want to say how big is your house, you may want to say your tranported by private jet. You may say you lunch with CEO of DBS, his annual income is more than 2 million.
Anyway, best wish to you.
Gabriel Chen
Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
Neither because both web pages are too long. I have to highlight the fact that not many people are so patient to scroll down to read the long pages. It makes them feel that it is OK to miss some or pay less attention when the pages just keeps going and going. Instead I feel that buttons/hyperlinks can be put in placed because it give the reader some control over what they want to see and this sense of control is important to them and it will make the website looks more professional and organized as well. A good user experience brings more positive feeling about the product.
Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
The Yellow highlights are used too generously. It cheapens the website totally. If not for the fact that you are somewhat known to us thru media as someone who is good what at what you are doing, most people who have the faintess idea of you might have thought you are just talking air.
Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
Both version gives is a cheap outlook to the web site. But the website presents a lot of useful proofs and convincing evidences that does make an impact on readers but this impact can be enhances with better presentation and outlay of the webpage.
Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
I am indifferent to either. Equally not compelling.
Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
I would think both have same effects. But maybe the new version that begins with yout income tax statement speaks loud to Singaporeans. Because they see a familiar income tax form.
Regards,
Yau
Hi,
I think that original one was better to me (when I read it for the first time I almost buy it), but the new one is more colourful.
The original led me to scroll down to the bottom and I read every word, making me the impulse of buy it…
But I think that you can provide the info about how much money you spent in this “journey to the top” also. And how much time did you spend in achieving it.
For your words I assume that the most important thing is the mindset and the tools and strategies are secondary…This is I believe, and for my own experience this is what I know. But your system seems to focus more in the strategies and tools, am I right?
Greetings
Dear Adam,
I have seen both versions. i would say i prefer the newer version as it makes me want to scroll downwards and read more. This is because the new version is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows me to focus on what the message is. However, it would be better if the wordings for the bonuses are smaller because the bigger the size of the wordings, the more i have to scroll.
Can i suggest if the font to be changed probably to Maiandra GD, dark green in colour which is more comfy instead of using Arial or Times New Roman in which is kind of common? However, the highlighted items caught my attention. It would be better if more photos to be added to catch our attentions.
Best regards.
Wld prefer the original one as it is more appealing than the new version, even the earning $ amt is higher than the new version which makes it very tempting for ppl who wants to know more on how to increase / create personal wealth. The photo itself already trigger the sparks for readers as the person in the photo looks young and the $ amt makes reader feel tempted to find out more.
The new version with the IRAS form is a bit too exaggerated and it appears that the writer is making too much efforts to proof on his income figures, although this will make the writeup more convincing but it make me feel like one of those fortune telling stores – pasting all kinds of 4D / toto winning tickets outside the shop to proof that the numbers they predicted for their customers are accurate. Kind of like ‘selling goh-yok (hokkein for medicated plasters)’ scene in drama to start off the copy writing. Perhaps the IRAS form can be at the middle page of the copy writing to show evidence for the readers rather than at the top page of the write up.
Hi Adam,
Here’s my comments:
Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
Review: At first sight, the top one looks more interestingand ‘friendly’ to me.I feel it’ll be more appealing to international market since IRAS logo is more relevant and does provide credentials to the typical local ‘unbelieving’ Singaporans.However It might also turn local ppl from reading further with the negative associations with “income tax payment…” syndrome.
Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is?
Review: The bottom one just gave me a more refreshing ‘feel’ subconsciously then the top one. It could be due to the layout , colour scheme and photos mix.
Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader?
Review: The bottom one is more detailed on the contents and course outlines.Perhaps adding in some relevant “wisdom of adages” at the bottom might help.
Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
Review: Bottom one with the highlights seems to gain more immediate attention.
Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
Review: The top one since its more concise in details and would better promote “impulse buying” for web surfers.
Hi Adam,
I’ve been reading your articles, they are all full of usefull information and have attended a preview conducted by Steve in JB.
I’ve seen both your sites and the following are my comments, hope it helps!!
1) The old site have a picture of yourself and this will impress readers that it’s genuine deal. But the new site show proof of your income, maybe you should have both!
2) You have itemize info on your new site, which i think is very easy to read but one has to scroll down many times to read the whole website. Suggest you have categories eg., Press release, Testimonial….etc.
3) Your testimonials are from some people that are not known worldwide (no offence to the people involved), but maybe you should have testimonial/pictures from the HP, Ministry of Defence, Police Force, Telecoms..etc. that are well known worldwide.
Hope the above helps.
Nirre
Neither, both websites caters to those who don’t mind spending time on the computers, or/and have much time on their hands. Suddenly feel like writing, dunno why but will be 1st and last time doing so.
1. Both websites deploy similar style and presentation, and attract only a certain people with certain characteristics. If research or professional analysis is done, such websites attracts certain people or market segment. In Singapore, less than 10% of ideal reachout.
2. But hey, the websites are a start. Though lots of improvements ( in presentation and articles editing ) needs to be done. Success stories in both website do not sell well. Agree with juergen, the real thing that attracts reader is the story of how you made it, complete with what you went through, the steps you took to achieve goals and such. Look are ‘chicken soup’. Present more success stories locally, most books have success stories in specialised areas, none in business ventures or business opportunities…
Another suggestions, is to have other marketing means/presentation of reaching out to more diverse people in the websites.
Last, you are great in your books so far, keep up the great efforts…
Personal Notes Only: Like most trainers similar in style with you, will says either you REALLY try work hard to be rich or you die trying. Considering the 20% who succeed ( 5% or less who really become rich ), the statistic is too ‘sad’ to ignore.
There is a true story of a Indian man who setup a bank in India, which give loans to poor skilled people when others will not. It’s now in top three largest bank, (recall the only local bank?). Partnerships may help the authors be richer and gain more profit, despite the risk of most ventures being failures… Think about this….
Hi Adam,
In my opinion, the old copywrite looks more appealing. It is easier to read, with those important words highlighted in read. It brings the message across in a clear & concise way. What is most impressive & inspirational is the income! The amount of $936,522 you have stated in the old version vs $549,078.40 in the new.
It is good to include a picture of yourself. A copy of the IRAS would make it more credible.
The yellow highlight & the underlining on the new copywrite distracts the reader. A picture of yourself would made it more personal. You are personable both in looks & character, include your photo by all means.
Best Regards,
Subin
Hi,I have come across many internet marketers showing off their bank balance.
But most of the time never publsih their photos.My point is anyone can create and income tax form with latest IT products and the figures can be fake.
Seeing the person (adam) in person then in figures many have more effect on the reader.I belive we all have a sense of pyshic where by seeing some one we
can feel or sense if that person is genuie.We have seen many successful peolpe in the TV or Magzines.So the reader can feel if another person is really successfull as he(Adam) claims.So all my senses feel the old copy is more effective and proving for you claim , ADAM.
Thank you.
I prefer the original version, plain and symbol.
The 2nd ver: who cares about the IRAS form. It’s too complicated with numbers. The black and white color composition makes my eyes sick and irritated. Moreover, the three colors: black, yellow and red in addition with underline letters in the title and black background do the page less professional and less appealing.
That’s what i think
Hi Adam,
I believe that a good copy writing will give high conversion rate and motivate the reader to take action to buy. As i have read your book on “Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny”, you mentioned that we use phsiology and submodalities or anchor to change our emotional state. And motivational emotional state will drive one to POSITIVE ACTION. In this case, it is to buy your products.
From what i see, your old copywriting captured my attention more will make me to scroll down to read more. It stands out as compared to the new one as the combination of Black and Red Lettering make the important message like “Junvenile Misfit”, “Millionaire” and “$936,522 A Year” to Stand Out very vividly and speak to my mind. Thus the benefits are really highlighted to me very clearly… Someone useless, Become an Millionaire and MAKE $936,522 a year… WHOW!” That the impact your old copywriting has on me… not the new one.
Additionally, your old copywriting is more comfortable to my eye.
One important factor is that the old copywriting capture my attention on one glance, and the same glance, the key selling words are implanted in my mind. If i am now poor and out or that i am looking for way to make myself rich (a hungry fish), when i saw your old copywriting, it will compell me to read more as the layout and coloring combination of the Words in the header stirr up my emotion … as i see a solution to what i need at this moment. This emotion state change will make me to take action to read more…. and eventually, if the rest of the BOBY of the copywriting continue to stirr up my emotional need, bringing it to a higher level of motivational emotion state…. then chances of me buying is very very high.
In summary, we buy thing based on our emotional state and then we rationalised LATER with logic to justify our buy. And i feel the old copywriting header bring up my buying and reading emotional desire more than the new one.
Stick to the first one. It felt more “real” to have a person’s picture there. More credibility as people will know it’s a real-life story of a real person, intead of some unknown guy putting up a pay-slip (which might be a fake..).
I mean, too many internet marketers hide behind the scene w/o showing their faces, and sometimes I really doubt the things they are selling.
anyway, I guess the length of the comment doesn’t make a difference right? and I am not going to sound patronising as I’ve never attended any of Adam’s courses.
Im quite impressed with the new copywriting than the old one. Even when it comes to the design and color the new one is more appealing in my own taste.
What you wrote is interesting to read. Thanx!
Dear Adam,
I think the old one is better. Somehow your picture gives a real impression rather than the numbers. That’s what I felt coz I know there are many people who can put up fake figures.
Moreover as you scroll down the old one, you are caught up very soon with many newspaper clippings, which gives a very good impression. This is the only thing which caught my attention when I fisrt visited your website.
The new one is not impressive. I just scrolled down leisurely and after two pages or so you have put the newspaper clippings. This might not work well as the reader can just shut the window and go back. There are only words and words and words, with only one testimonial on the first page, which can be thought fake.
I will still rate your old website better as your pic and newspapers give a very real impression of a real person who can help you succeed. It is also soothing and captivating.
Dear Adam,
Just now I bought your I am Gifted so are You book when I am writting you this E-mail I have that book front of me. I have bought your The Secret of Self Made Millionaries and read it throughly and liked it too. The same book I have given to my boss for reading and I insist my staff to read it to improve their financial situation.
I am an Indian and working in Singapore. I first came a cross to you via internet surfing and facinated by your story that you have given in your website. That how you set and achive your goal in your student and business life .
And now planning to buy your third book Master your Mind and Design your destiny.
I really appriciate you to help other people to achive the financial Intelligency and freedom.
With warm regards,
Surendra Samant.
It would be good to put your photograph with the IRA together.
Hi Adam, since I was a young child my father use to tell me “if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it”.
As Always,
Ron
hi adam i felt that its good that u make your website a new look!After visiting your blogs countless times i felt that this is one of the best graphics produced
I think both the new and old copywriting are effective; however I think the new copywriting is more effective due to drawing extra attention to the key points such as Juvenile Misfit and Millionaire By Age 26, specifically extending the attention to the age and highlight rather than redundant red coloring. The amount of money is lower, but I don’t believe that it makes much of a difference in the effectiveness. Also, showing proof of your statement by way of a copy of a check also helps make the statement more believable, even though check can be digitally edited to seem more lucrative. As a side note, I have read both “Master Your Mind Design Your Destiny” and “Secrets of Self-Made Millionaireds” and I’m currently implimenting stratigies from both. They information is great, and we’ll see how it works. Thanks!
Hi Adam
The new version is more appealing due to the yellow highlighted and ira tax assessment. It’s more real and captivating for people to want to find out how you do that.It made me scroll down all the way. Good job.
By the way, I enjoy your books – Master your Mind and Design your destiny and The secrets of self-made millionaires very much. Very educative and imformative. The fiancial information is very relevant and applicable to people in the financial planning industry. I have recommended to some of my colleagues and they like it too. I strongly recommend to all in the financial planning industry to read this book so that you can better educate your client.
All the information contain in this book definitely worth more that $31.50.
Adam, thanks for your generosity to share your life experience in this book. Appreciated. Keep going. We look forward to more books from you.
Sincerely
Augustine Lim
Dear Adam, I hope you read my comment.
Firstly, I am a person who really wants to be rich. And I find my direction by reading get-rich-books. So among all the millionaires givings seminars, writing books so on… what makes someone stand out to me?
- Declare your bank savings.. to MAKE PEOPLE GO … Wow.
If you declare how much you have accumulated over the years and what is your net worth… people who will feel more inclined to buy your products because they are MORE IMPRESSED, MORE MOTIVATED by that figure. E.g Adam Khoo is worth 50.8 Million or 10.8 Million., HE EARNS MILLIONS A YEAR., Asia’s Most Ambitious Businessman, Singapore’s MOST Well-Known Millionaire., Man Who Dominated Market At 16 Years Of Age., He Started Earning His Six-Figure Salary at the age of 16., Young Entrpreneur Says It All.
These are the few KEY Headings which your website require IN ORDER TO PULL MORE VISITORS…and EVENTUALLY BUYERS. The one with a black background looks very unprofessional but the IRAS form makes the whole thing so convincing and true… But your should put a your $$ 935 522 figure rather than that HALF-Million figure which doesn’t even look convincing. It’s difficult to explain but I made a sample website for you of what I think is good.
http://e-shock.macan.info/adam_khoo/adamkhoo.htm
I completely revamped the headings, colours used, bg so on… but I simply copied the main content over… I will delete the site when your done finishing looking at it…
ANYWAY SOME OF THE FIGURES ARE CREATED BY MYSELF.
All comments by other people are quite true… BUT LETS COMBINE THE GOOD POINTS THAT EVERYBODY HAD MENTIONED.
Jerry said : Who cares about IRAS FORM…
My Ans : It is important… that is CREDIBILITY.
Rita said : The real picture is better than the numbers..
I say : BOTH ARE EQUALLY IMPORTANT.
Chen Yong Chao said :
Dear Adam … do what you feel right…
I SAY : Nonsense, 1 of the key elements of BUSINESS SUCCESS is
Axl said :
Stick to the first one. It felt more “real†to have a person’s picture there. More credibility as people will know it’s a real-life story of a real person, intead of some unknown guy putting up a pay-slip (which might be a fake..).
I Say : BOTH R IMPORTANT… (if u hav ur blog url imprinted on ya books… ppl know tht this is no scam site)
Differentiation. you must be 10% more credible, 10% faster, 10% better THAN UR OPPONENTS. I learnt this from Richard Dobbins… British Millionaire.
Anyway the site is done by ME… Benjamin L. Aw.
If you want the website… I can give you the link for download… Anyway its your content…
TO ROUND THINGS UP…. People trust in whatever you do BECAUSE U R ADAM KHOO, the famous guy in Asia… but consider my ideas!!
I prefer the new layout. Its straight forward and to the point. Seeing the income adam khoo earns certainly boost up the confident in me that SSMM works not only for him but for everyone else.. afterall seeing in believing..
Hi Adam,
I have bought and read your copy of the Self-Made Millionaires for 3 times in 10 days. I must agree that it is very well written and inspiring. After so much reading on intrinsic value, none can measure to how simple you have put it across in your book that i understand this term on my first read.
As for your blog on the different version of copywriting, my question to you is, “Does it really matters?!”
If there is a person who is really so determined to gain all the financial literacy that he can possible find, what can stop him? A poorly designed website or content, OR you?
I do not deny the importance of design and colour scheme and the part it plays in attracting and maintaining the attraction of readers. I am trained in e-instructional design and i must defend my training, ya.
I can only say that if a decision has been made and commitment thrown in, only the person who made this decision can stop himself from learning more. Not your different version of copywriting, poorly design website, and not even You can stop him from finding out more.
Your Learning Partner,
Leroy Ang
Hi Adam
I would prefer your old copywriting with photo. In the photograph, you wore a simple red polo T shirt, exhibiting simplicity. Your T shirt color happened to align with the words “Millionnaire” & “Juvenile Misfit” which were also in red print. That was definitely a catch for my eyes. It built curiosity for me to read on to find out how could a Juvenile turn Millionnaire!
Finally, I hope you can bless me with your book.
Sincerely
Vodkalime
Hi Adam,
Congratulations on your success and an inspiration to others to emulate.
Both sites have it pros n cons, however the new site colours is more contrasting, appealing and pleasing to my eyes at least. Also I prefer to see your picture, it straight away capture the person behind the success; and to read more about the success.
However, both sites are rather long and can be tedious to continue reading from top to bottom; it may be better to provides links to other pages for different sections.
Best regards,
Alvin
k… a followup comment… can i ask u something Adam?
If all your cutomers buy ur audio products VIA the NET… and refund them… u mean they can keep it? den everyone would do that.. THEY GET THEIR $$ back and UR WHOLE PROGRAM TOO!! can you explain to me the whole picture??? or are you doing wad u said Microsoft was doing… spreading the ADAM KHOO brand name?? Monopolizing the market?? But U HAV ALR DONE THAT!! HAHA!!! anyway do you know somebody called Christian TT Chua would wrote the BOOK Financial Literacy from Renosis Training Agency??? He speaks like you!!! I suppose he modelled u!!!
I find that Luxton’s comments is very much inline with mine…
MIXING THE TWO TOGETHER.
I hav done all these for u in my newly revamped site for u.
mixing, pic, testimonials, gd bg, bg colour, simplicity…
(MIXING)
To me I think you need to mix and match the two.
I prefer the simplicity of the orıginal’s heading – black font with a few important words in red – no highlighting or underlining.
(UR PHOTO…)
The photo is a must – earnings graphics do nothing for me.
You look likeable, you are in front of a laptop and you are wearing casual clothes so this says to me that you are approachable and are livng your own life style because of the freedom your computer gives you.
Current Earnings (OR DEDCLARE E MONEY U HAV IN YA BANK!)
“Keep the $936,522 earnings figure because it’s current. I don’t care what you earned last year – maybe you are out of business now” (u c… great minds think alike…hehe:P)
TESTIMONIALS (IMPORTANT)
” It’s good that in the 2nd version you put Mei Mei’s testimonial near the top. Plus what she achieved was good but not unbelievably great. ”
we think alike..
- Ben Aw
Dear Mr. Khoo,
I think I still prefer the previous copy than the new one because it project with photo of you and it shown that you are the real author,not any Tom,Dick or Harry who wrote it just to gain the readers attention. Moreover, it shows that you are a genuine person who had succeeded in achieveing this tremendous result with multiple failure attempts before finding your true financial freedom. This is what everybody’s dream & wishes but only the fighter like you as a local singaporean prove to us that there is a possibility to succeed if you follow these steps. Thus , you hold the key to success & an example to all.
That is my opinion about your copywriting.
Thank you with regards,
victor
Adam Khoo,
Thanks for your enlightening and life changing audio file. It gives me so much reason why I shouldnt stick to the boring norm of society. More importantly, you have taught me what it means to be a true entrepreneur, a million thanks.
With Gratitude,
Sebastian
Hi,
The old and new copywritings are both very captivating, but the new copywriting is not very suitable to place at start of your webpage.
Imagine potential customers visiting your webpage for the 1st time, and the 1st thing that captures their eyes are the IRAS form showing the huge amount that you earned. Initially they may feel excited how u got the income but I can I can assured many more will feel rather envied and jeolous that the money are not theirs. Worst is they may feel that you are too boostful and proud, in the end all those facts seems too skeptical to them.
People into internet marketing have actually seen a lot on these so called “genuine income”, so what they are looking for are not how much you earn but how much you can help them earn? I believed all the people browsing your web already have the millionaire images of you in their mind even before they click on your link.
I am not saying the new copywriting does not work. It actually does serve a purpose in convincing your actual income. But it should not be placed at the top of your introduction page, it should be somewhere after they have read and convince of your story telling… e.g. testimonial side just to prove your income status…
Best regards,
Eric Tan
Submitted to Adam (Wong)’s email!
Adam,
No point wondering which design or copywriting is
better.
You just have to DO it to know.
It is what the customers want that matters,
not what you think the customer would want.
Compare the sales that you are getting with the new
site with the old, and you will know who is better.
Keep on Testing with New Design, Pictures, Testimonials,
Free-Gifts, Bonus…….
It is an on-going responsibilty of you to keep on
improving the contents, the SSMM package, to
keep on giving the custmers Values, hitting the
customer’s Emotional Button and the Desire
to get the product.
Just Do It!
Thank You.
Well, you asked for a critique. Here goes….
If the purpose of getting feedback is to improve the salesletter (ie increase the conversion rate), the whole exercise is futile. Why?
Each and everyone of our comments do not help determine whether sales letter A or B is better or worse. Individually, each of us might have a preference; but taken collectively, this opinion counts for nothing.
So what if 1 reader prefers headline A, 10 readers prefer headline B, and so on.
Even if 99% of your readers tell you the same thing, it might very well be the wrong thing. You wouldn’t know.
To see which sales letter is better, run them in parallel with a A-B test and see which one gives you a better conversion (making sure the sample size is sufficient).
That will be your better sales letter. At the end of the day, the market is always right. Why not listen to it?
“It looks like a Nigerian Scam” my friend said to me as she peeps into my screen when I opened the second salescopy.
“George, you believe in this kind of stuff? I always close the window when I saw this kind of stuff.” She added.
I must say being a constant reader of your salescopy and blog, we can’t really tell the difference and how it appeals to different people. But as my friend made a sweeping comment on your new salescopy (just the top part), I began to ponder many lessons we can learn from this.
Why does my friend say this?
One of the reasons why she could be saying this is because she is not exposed to internet marketing thus does not believe anything about the online hype. But there’s another important reason here, maybe she is not the target audience.
Speaking about target audience, I believed the products you are selling are aimed at a specific group of people, (those who JUST STARTED to want to get rich and financially independent). So where does this group of people comes from? I do not really know your marketing strategies behind your traffic strategies, but if I’m not wrong, most of your traffic comes from blog, newspapers, word of mouth, your loyal POE graduates, IAG probably too. My guess is those who have already desired to buy your book would have already bought, so chances are you are targeting on new, fresh, and international wanna-get-financial-rich wannabies.
I asked myself who are these people? Where would they come from? And how did they arrive at your site?
For myself, I started to get exposed with the financially-rich stuff by you (POE). And then I went into a journey of exploration with MLM, reading up, investing, robert kiyosaki, internet marketing…. I guess the people that are your target audience is somewhere between a newbie and a intermediate.
Sorry if I talked so much about target audience but you know as well as I do that in a good salescopy, it’s driving across the message to the right audience. Perhaps what I said about target audience is different from yours.
The most critical part of a good salescopy is to capture potential customer’s attention. Although the second salescopy has a big fat cheque on the top, for the newbies, I think it gave a sense of fake,scam, too hype feeling. However, for the first one, your photo gave a feeling of “hey, maybe this is true, it’s real, I’m gonna believe it.” (Unconsciously, of course.) In addition to that, the photo also gave a sub-conscious signal that “hey, this man already put his photo on the blog, maybe I can scroll down more to check it out, no harm anyway”.
Another reason why the cheque should not be placed at the top is because the credibility of your salescopy is not there yet. The feeling of trust has not been built up. Thus, maybe that was the reason my friend commented “a nigerian scam”.
For the background itself, the black background somehow gave a negative feeling. I’m not sure whether this has been proven, but somehow black does not give a very positive effect. The older version background again looks more real, genuine and true to me even though black background allows the eyes to focus on the words. My point here is true, real and genuine is more important than focus.
The colour of the headline of the salescopy is great! And the highlighting too!
In your second copy, I noticed that the pictures of your books are taken out. Again, the books gave you so much credibility to those who just know you. If you took it out, the salescopy may not have such a strong impact. Another friend of mine was envy of the many proofs you can put in your salescopy that make your copy so credible and believable; it will be a waste if that is taken out.
The testimonies in the new copies have been separated which I think is a good technique which should be continued.
There is one important aspect that I am bringing into light.
For your second copy, the fonts for your products were exceptionally BIG! Perhaps your intention was to capture the audience attention and to give a subconscious impact that the product worth alot of money. But as I compared it with the older version, I felt the older version is better. Instead of forcing people to read the HEAVY WORDED bullets, the older version allows me to have a HOLISTIC view of what the content of your book is all about.
Because you have improved on your bullets, it would seem very wordy to read the contents of your book. “I am gifted, So are you” is such an apelling book because there are many pictures beside the words and the words are not cramped in one area. But for the new selescopy, the words are fully cramped in an area (I’m still refering to the contents of your books). I like the older one with a picture of your book besides it. Because the fonts are big, it made it harder for people to scroll down too. So my suggestion here is to reduce the font size and add back picture of “self-made millionaire besides it.
To conclude what I have said,
This are the recommendations suggested:
1.Change colour of the background back to the old salescopy
2.Your photo still is true and genuine so putting back at the top would be great.
3.Perhaps the cheque can come below the first testimony.
4. The books you have wrote (put it back)
5. Reduce the fonts of your (bullets) and put a pic of your book besides the bullets.
• Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting? (The new version.)
• Which is more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read and allows you to focus on what the message is? (The old version, as I feel the new version with black background at the sides is not very pleasant to the eyes. )
• Which version builds up and drums the benefits to the reader? (The new version.)
• Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader? (The new version.)
• Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order? (The new version.)
In general, I feel the new version with your income sheet in the very beginning is very attractive to readers, but maybe you should put your photos just after the income sheet, as it will make this webpage more real and people will believe it. I feel it is good that you put the newspaper about you slightly after your letter. It makes readers like me feel it is a webpage which has real stuff.( Overall, I like the new version.)
Hi Adam,
Personally, I prefer the new copywriting. Content-wise, both versions are enticing enough to make me want to read more. However, the new version appears to be more structured and organised, and hence, easier on the eyes. However, I would recommend you add a picture of yourself at the top (as per the old version) as it makes for a better introduction – beginning immediately with a tax statement seems so cold and impersonal. But the text should wrap around the picture rather have a white space next to the picture. Also, the tax statement should be clearer if possible, especially if you decide to begin the website with it. It doesn’t look good visually to have a blurred “picture” right at the very beginning.
Hi Adam,
I am very formillure with your 1st version, however, I like the NEW one better. You got rid of allot of deadspace, cut back on the testimonials (you could add more by sinking them into a clickable area) LOL. It’s a very big site and I could see newbies getting tired of reading it all, but you have so much to offer. Where Oh Where did your picture go?? Even a small one by your signature would make a differance. Other then that…Woo Hoo way to go!!!
All the best.
Yours in success,
Monique “Nicky” Evans
Hi Adam,
I prefer the old version coz as most said, it has got your photo on it, that will make it more realistic. I’ve never miss to read your e-mails because it gives me inspirations and hopes that there are actually opportunities out there.
Sincerely,
Siti
Adam, I think it will be best to combine both your photo and the IRAS picture.
I would like you to use some current dates, say “2006″ in your heading, and perhaps “Singaporean”.
“HOW TO MASSIVELY IMPROVE YOUR COPYLETTER
…SO THAT YOUR CUSTOMER CONVERSION RATE DOUBLES!”
Dear Adam,
Focus… Don’t lose your objective. As an Internet Marketer, you are a game player and you want high conversion rates.
I noticed your loyal following here majority (especially your Singaporean Fans) prefers the old copy writing. I would relate to the Theory of Inertia. People are resistant to new concepts.
I think otherwise. Your copy letter should have the bold colors of your second copy. Why? Marketing people always create hype and sensation. Your copy letter must stir up buying mood. Your previous copy’s colors lack excitement that will take away spending mood.
I also recommend you use a picture like that of “Master Your Mind Design Your Destiny”, with you in success looking mode dressed in suit etc. That’s how the public’s perception of success anyway (think Tony Robbins).
Look, most of internet marketing target audience like what you had said, are the “Ang Mos”. Come on Adam, these people have hunger for success and are aggressive people. You need more “sleek & edge” with the packaging of Robert Kiyosaki, Robert G Allen or Tony Robbins! Isn’t that the ultimate kind of branding you want for yourself?
Don’t forget the killer strategy is repeat customers & Opt-In List. You need strong branding (think Apple, Nike & Macdonald’s). I would propose you create a slightly more edgy brand image that correspond better with your dynamic personality.
So to double your conversion rate, the ultimate twin strategy: Strong Branding (long term) & Call for Action Factors (short term).
Massive Success
Melvin Fang
What each of us likes isnt relevant. Do split-testing. Do you use PPC? If you do, you can start rotating the landing page and see conversion rates.
Dear Adam,
I got to know you through your book, “Secrets of self made millionaires”. In my opinion, it’s the best financial book I’ve read so far.
I personally felt that the NEW copywriting is more captivating. I actually felt the impulse to purchase the material there and then. The OLD copywriting which I’ve read some time ago did not give me this urge.
The NEW sales letter has better layout and easy to the eyes. The flow of facts and personal story created a strong emotional attachement.
These are my comments:
1) You should maintain your picture at the top. Your friendly face definitely will improve rapport and trust with your reader.
2) The title is NOT very attractive to me. It’s has been shown that the title of a sales letter has major effect on the success rate. Therefore I would suggest that you test and measure a few titles.
Keep up your good work!
Thank you.
Kind regards,
JH Chin
The old one is a bit too plain on the right hand side of the page. Blank space don’t look good.
The new one may looks good for Singaporean. But the rest of the world would be wondering what is this table all about.
Hi Adam,
Honestly, I prefer the new copyright because of the following reasons:
1) It is more organised.
2) It flows naturally with the ‘breaking-up’ of the testimonials to give the added credentials to the points you’re trying to put across throughout your letter.
3) It conclusion hit hard at the heart of the reader who are still skeptical about their investment. It stops the reader from considering their monetary investment twice, when they realised that a true success is not to just fulfilled one own’s dream but also the dreams of the ones he/she loves the most. And that usually comes with sacrifices and 100% commitment.
Hi Adam, my comment is the new version is better because I am from account; figures are very sensitive to me. The big wording colour and the highlight also more attractive to me in new version.
I think you can also transfer your picture that at you old version; make it smaller and put it to the left or right hand corner of the new version so people can read the wording, see your picture and check you income all in one page.
Thanks.
Lee Chan
REVIEW
New Site
•The Pay Statement at top is a turn off; seasoned surfers tend to think it’s fake. It’s positioning is better in the old site, but replace it with a more detailed statement (with key areas blurred of course) to create credibility.
•The margin adjustment is a plus; makes for easier reading
•Black background contrast is hard on the eyes
•First testimonial is better placed.
•The red font color in the Components List is distracting; keep the old color
•The check boxes are a better idea, but match the checks to the color of the headline
•The estimated price of the Fast Action Bonuses is better at $797 which increases the perception of their value
Old Site
•The figure in the headline seems to be plucked out of thin air. It is not validated with some kind of proof; like the headline in the new site is.
•The headline for the newspaper articles should be kept in red.
•The book covers are a plus; keep them. It reinforces credibility.
•The flow of the site from the news articles to the Free CD is better. Replace the seminar picture with the Wealth Academy one.
•Leave out the University Ad. It takes up too much space, doesn’t relate to people outside of Singapore and borders on bragging.
•The highlighting in the components list is more strategically placed than in the new site
•The dashed-line border around the Components list would better be replaced with a single line border; but not as thin as the one in the new site
•The copy in this site is more convincing than the new one; but there are sections of the new copy that is quite good as well.
This list is by no means an exhaustive one. Thanks for letting me share!
Hi Adam,
After go through the 2 version, this is my comments
1. 1st version more easy to read as compare to black background (2nd version)
2. 1st version contents are more organize and attract me to read on.
3. 2nd Version give more impact for me to buy especially the break down from $958 to $97
4. 2nd version bring more benefits in my point of view
5. Just readjust around 1st and 2nd version definitely will seal the bigger DEAL
My 2 cents tips, include your photo (Like 1st version) near to your letter head with income statement to create credibility.
regards,
Bernard
http://discoverthesecretsofdog.blogspot.com/
Hi Adam,
I prefer the new copyright. It is more organised, and the it flows more naturally. However, the colour scheme leaves much to be desired. Simplicity is the “in-thing” nowadays, with people focusing more on information. The black backdrop simply steals the attention.
Generally the letters are extremely good so anything I say here is just nit pickty stuff. The second letter prefer better it gives me proof in graphic form right away but I’m also curious about what this misfit looks like so if you can add your photo somewhere would be great. Also misfit is a bit nonspecific afterall we all could be considered misfits as children. Can you be more specific? What where you? Juvenille Thief, Juvenile Bully, Juvenile Class Clown are some descriptions that come to mind. Finally, it seems a bit incongruent to say you are a millionaire but yet your stated income doesn’t match what you just said. When most people think of millionaire they think of income. So maybe instead of “became a millionaire by age 26″…”But Now Owns A Million Dollar Home By Age 26 And Earned $549,078.40 Just Last Year Alone Without Having To Be One Of Those Bill Gates’ Geeks”. I added this last part to help squash some skeptics. I think there is some perception that it could be easy for Asians to succeed on the net because they are very advanced in computer technology now this could be true but now you’ve added an element that says anyone can do it no matter what your technical background. Finally you must address the “nigerian scam” perception. Load it up on the testimonials. See if you can gear them to your audience. So maybe sections of testimonials from those that Americans might be more familiar with, then one for Europeans, then one for those that people living in Asian countries might be more familiar with. Anyway I hope this helps.
Hello Adam your program seems to be good I would like to order with a money order International I hope that you will appreciate my comments I would like from your secrets of course . Teofilo Calle
Hi Adam!
I feel that the new copy is better. If I’ve never seen Adam Khoo before, the first copy won’t work as well as the second one because the second one shows me the prove straight away. And you highlighted the “Millionaire by 26″ which is very captivating. That’s the only 2 reasons that will make me read on.
Which version makes you want to scroll downwards and read some more because you find it interesting?
Ans: Old version. I feel so much more personal when I see your photograph, it makes it look as if you are talking directly to the reader. The income tax assessement could be combined with the earlier version (scrolled down after your photo). You may feel that the newer version “stands out” more due to the black background. I agree to a certain extent, however, black is a very subjective colour that some people might not like. I would suggest the use of a more pastel colour but not grey like in the older version. It will then be easier on the eyes as the center portion of the page do not seem so bright and striking. Older version builds up more and slowly feed the benefits to the reader. I suggest that you do not use the testimonials first. Focus more on your achievements, newspaper reports are excellent tools which people like to see. They add lots of credibility to the entire paragraph which the reader is about to read. Both versions are able to seal the deal, but I still prefers the older one as I’m more attracted to the layout. As the saying goes, lay the foundations right, and building the skyscraper will be much easier. My two cents worth of opinions. Cheers, Melvin Tay
Which version creates a more compelling offer for the reader?
Which version ’seals the deal’ and makes the order?
Adam Khoo’s Book on Self-Made Millionaire is like a cool shower. It is refreshing to read and I personally believe that it is certainly rewarding when put into practice with a heart and passion. I am in my 40′s but don’t have enough savings much less wealth. But when I read this book I told my self that I found a way, a sure guide. Many thanks, Adam…
Ricardo
Philippines
The colour tone for new one not as good. Put the old picture before the IRAS return will be more personal & friendly. Change the black colour to lighter shade (blue) or other patterns.
Regards,
Randy
I believe Adam have given the real inside of of financial planning that will benefit everyone on all ages. Trust me that I have seen many lengthy comments, but they are all true in many ways. Its important for everyone to find the most valuable thing i their life and achieve the best out of it. Thanks Adam for that………..
I was checking your web page from time sometime since I learned through a book title “I am gifted, so are you!”.
Actually, I deeply appreciate that you print those kind of book.
I bought 7 copies for my friend’s kids and can see they changing slowly.
They slowly realized about their dream much more seriously than before after read your book. It’s one of the Greatest for young generation.
Oh, your new web page is much better for me. To be honest with you, there is no logical back up for my preference but I strongly felt much stronger energy inside me from 2nd version.
Simply, intuitively love your 2nd version much better.
It will bring more successful attention from your clients, this means you can devote more to many people Globally….
How nice you keep changing people’s life positive way.
Good luck to you and everybody who visit your web site.
Have a blessed day now.
Thank You For Your Interest!
Please check your email for the link to download your copy of “7 Steps to Financial Freedom”.
Regards
Adam Khoo
Sorry, I made a mis print at the end of my comment.
I didn’t realize that.
I deeply appologize it Forgive me.
Thanks again and God bless you.
hi adam,
This is K.Nivas from india.
am completely new to this site and you and am sure
my comments will not a friendly one as the previous comments.
Regarding the look of the site i feel the new site is much better
than the previous one as you are aware the new things always excites a lot and we feel young only as we grow……
am sure regarding the words an experienced trainer will be picking words so carefully that it influences the reader a lot and persuade him
one more thing you can change the plain background like (black) to a striped one like black horizontal stripes in a grey background
am sure it picks the sight a lot more
and in one comment it was said that the amount quoted previously was much greateer than the new one that is your previous income is greateer than the new one.
but to be true i noticed that only after reading the comments.
moreover giving a whole picture of what a customer will get in hand as he signs in for the course like the books and cds is really a great stratergy and it is sure to persuade the customers a lot…
am watching your site for a couple of days and you are improving the site day by day
for example you’ve added your photograph at the top
changed the description of site a bit
..etc
carry on ….
looking forward for newer changes…
i’ll post some more comments as i discover some newer stratergies
take charge and live with passion
Hi Adam,
The new copywrite is better because of the added light blue.The yellow seems to be too sharp.Otherwise it is more userfriendly.
Bye
Ultimately, it’s not all the colours that matter but the relevance of the contents that attracts customers.
hi Adam,
good job, both are good for me, it is instead a good reading for me and my family.
You have done the good job by enlightten people’s lifes and showing them the right way.
cheers;)
Dear Adam.
After following this thread of comments for sometime, I’ve decided to point out a few things I’ve seen raised.
As a person who collects and reads internet marketing salesletters everyday , I know fairly well how an online salescopy should be written
to work effectively. I have subscribed to so many subscriber’s lists that I now have more than 4081 emails in my inbox pointing me to their salesletter pages which I do skim and/or read. Some salescopy were so compelling that I was scammed from them while others fail to make much of an impression on me.
My comments are drawn from my vast experience of reading good copywriting but please do not take my comments to be a holy grail of some sort.
I ‘ve noticed that the new salesletter has changed in many ways since the beginning of the contest. I know this because I saved the original “new” salesletter.
Looks like you have been working very hard in internalising the comments and did all the refining work necessary. Good job! I will then compare between the old salesletter and the current one at the time of writing.
Let me start by answering the questions posted.
*The second version makes me want to scroll downwards and read more because it is organized with many hooks to encourage curiosity and encourages further reading.
*The first version was more comfortable to the eyes, easier to read because it was more organized in an expected format.
However, both allows me to focus on the message.
*The second version builds up and drums the benefits into the reader better, in fact it feels like it is hammered in continuosly.
*The second version creates a more compelling offer. Will explain this shortly.
*The second one seals the deal better.
If any one salesletter should win, it would be the second one as it has been improved tremendously.
Originally the background for the second copy was black and it proves to be effective as it accentuates the white background of the content better. I would have done the same but I would tone it down a little as it can be straining, however, I would not prefer to tone it down to a grey. A darker version of navy blue that looks almost black will do it to acheive the wanted effect without pushing the limits too much. The fact that discord in colour is highly effective. Push the limit to draw the focus and when it is just about too powerful tone down just a little. That would be just nice.
Secondly, about the debate on whether to put the photo or the IRAS statement first, I believe that you should stick with the current choice of having the statement first, for the simple fact that it builds credibility very well, and then have the photo to kickoff. The current arrangement is good as it does not distract the reader too much from the title as it is slightly blurry and it does complement the headline by drawing the attention to it. However, I would prefer to have a better photo taken as it looked a little sloppy with the knee showing just beneath the shorts. Now, when building credibility, one must have the best, profesionally taken photograph upfront. Nothing wrong with showing the relaxed side , but a better pose and posture will really help. You want it in a way such that I, as a respected and big client from Europe or somewhere (who thinks “Mr Adam Khoo”
is a businessman from a country which could be in the southest part of Africa) am sitting right in front of Mr Adam Khoo and waiting to be impressed.
A new picture can also be taken while holding the printed IRAS statement and then magnified to prove the credibility, at the same time, ending the debate on whether to have the IRAS form
or the picture first.
On putting the testimonials, you want to start and end with a bang. Meaning, the first testimonial is from someone really established and well-known in the business circle
and when the salesletter goes about explaining the benefits one by one and the suspect slowly becomes a prospect, the last testimonial will get the person sold and the deal sealed.
Another suggestion is to have a testimonial right after the P.S.es as many people will scroll right into the PS. Also, people who are already sold
after reading the PS will have another reminder to the results having the program and another call to action can be made.
Your graphical recap is effective. By having it in graphic, the reader will know what the offer is and the reader will already have pictured themselves owning it. The summary table is also good to put things clearly and demonstrate the benefits being delivered and setting the high perceived value.
Newspapers cuttings are good and have been used correctly. However, you can have the graphics with a “teared” border and also arrange them more haphazardly with instead of two cuttings arranged on top of each other. We know that the newspapers which catches the eye are: Rich & Frugal, Lifestyles of the Rich $ Famous, Driving Ambition and Young Singaporean Talks For $1000 an hour. So, have the rest which are in monotone slightly enlarged and have those eye-catching articles draw the attention to those that are less conspicious.
I disagree in getting rid of the NUS poster. The NUS poster is the best thing since sliced bread and should not be neglected. That picture is a good example of how the photograph should look like in the beginning of the salesletter. Use the NUS brand as a good way to establish credibility. Communicate to the reader that NUS is a highly establish and pretigious university ranking 19th in the world and they would not
treat their brand lightly. Something must be better to show that the NUS brand is uphold and Adam Khoo is the right person. It shows that there is an academia institution backing
the “Adam Khoo” brand and because this program is meant to teach, the reader is more ready to buy. Use that.
You can use the history , track record and the business experience to your advantage better.
Meaning, exactly like how Abraham Lincoln is always illustrated.
At age 8, expelled from school for misbehavior .
At age .., top ten student within school.
At age 15, started a mobile disco business (later grew into an event management company)
At age .., NO. 1 student in the Cambridge ‘O’ Level exam
At age .., aceepted into the best Junior College in Singapore, Victoria Junior College.
At age .., accepted in National University of Singapore, top 20 universities in the world. (Currently have the world ranking of 19th)
At age .., on the dean’s list and ranked among the top 1% of students in the entire country
At age 21, started my second business (training and consultancy)
At age 22, started investing in property and stocks
At age 26, become a self-made millionaire.
…..
It tells something.
I don’t agree using flash and Java and all the bells and whistles. However, use the audiogenerator in the beginning to let readers know the voice of Adam Khoo and to explain to the reader what is being offered and have a call to action. Builds credibility and hook the readers at the beginning.
Here’s an example of a script: “Hello, I’m Adam Khoo. I have helped all my students to attain their financial freedom and to grow their wealth. If you want to learn from me, you have come to the right place.
I want you to read this page very carefully, examine the testimonials my student have willingly given me, and get yourself the programme below. It is one of the best programmes out there in the market and I’m proud of it.
If it’s not in your budget, get my “7 Steps To Financial Freedom ” CD below by keying your first name and email address. You DON’T have to pay for it. I’ll teach you how you can …(benefits) and then you can get my program.
I won’t comment much on your headline and subheadlines except to say that use what works. However, I did show the salesletters to 7 people, 1 of which is an “Adam Khoo” guy and I have gotten
diverse responses. Most of which complained that the salesletters are too boring, long and spammish. Of course, as copywriters, we know better. But, the old headline caught one of them because $936,522 is bigger than $549,078.40 . I can’t comment much about this. But one way is to do an adword campaign to see which headlines pulls in more clicks. Then, use
the one which performed better and beat your control.
Lastly, I realize when you explain the benefits you used alternate bold texts, bullet checkboxes, highlights, and empty spaces. I have seen them used very often, so again, use what works.
Just make sure the reasons for using them are known. The whole salesletter has many pockets where tension were built well. Especially at the benefits part, so suffice to say that the functions of benefits are played well.
On a final note, if you have found my comments to be useful to you, I’d appreciate you giving me the chance to have the Secrets Of Self-Made Millionaires programme.
Yikes!
It appears I’m far too late.
Oh well, always deliver more than you are paid for.
Ty Teh
Hi ! Adam
To make my comment short and truefull, both of them look good
to me because your name alone will sell these books.
keep up the good works
yours Sincerely
Patrick:)
Hey Adam, some comments as requested below =)
I would prefer the new site cause it attracts lots of attention, using strong underlined words as well as using different bright colours to create the contrast btw the background and the words. These made ur words stand out from the rest. However u may include more videos to give a short summary of what u are trying to say in ur website. This is to target those people who has a short lifespan.
I prefer the first one, with Adam’s face…
cos this one like more personal touch.
and adam’s face also quite good looking lar,
better looking than the 500K cheque thingie…
I prefer the second sales letter. However in the age of the internet, many things can be doctored. There needs to be more….