Loving the Most Important Person in Your Life | Personal Success | Success tips and life stories from Adam Khoo, Asia's top success coach.

Loving the Most Important Person in Your Life

I’m sure that there are lots of things that you really love. You may love your parents, your husband/wife, your girl friend/boyfriend and your children. You may love your car, your home or even your new mobile phone.

But let me ask you a question that may seem really weird, ˜do you love yourself?” Do you love that person you see in the mirror every day? If you find that you have many things in life to be grateful for but are still not happy with, the reason may be because you have not learnt to love yourself.

In order to be HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL, you have to start by loving yourself. The reason why many people feel lousy about themselves and fail to achieve is because they don’t like who they are.

Many people think that they must first become successful before they start loving themselves and their life. In fact, the opposite is true. You must first love yourself before you can become successful. People who love and feel good abut themselves have what is called HIGH SELF-ESTEEM.

The Most Important Person In Your Life Is…

Let me give you the most important reason why you should love yourself.

Imagine that there was someone whom you have to spend the rest of your life with. You had to spend every minute of every day with this person, day in and day out. This person is the first you see when you wake up in the morning and the last person you see when you go to sleep.

This person is there on all your life’s special occasions: your birthday, Christmas, New Year, your wedding and finally, your funeral. This person is there during all of your life’s ups and downs. This person shares your sorrows and your joys.

When you are down, only this person can cheer you up. When you fall, only this person can pick you up. When you set a goal, only this person can give you the motivation and confidence to achieve it. This person will never leave you and is the only one you can truly depend on.

If you didn’t like this person, wouldn’t your life be absolutely miserable? You’d be forever stuck to a person you didn’t like. You wouldn’t be able to do anything! I am sure you can guess that this person is YOU!

YOU are the most important person in your own life.

The Power of Loving Yourself

When you really love someone, you always want the very best for him or her, right? You would do anything for them. You would make sacrifices for them and defend them if anyone speaks badly of them.

The same thing goes when you love yourself.

When you love yourself, you will want the very best for yourself. You would not accept anything less than the best for yourself. You will want the best relationships, the best career, the best partner and the best home. You will not accept being in an abusive relationship. You will not accept being stuck in a job you hate. You will not accept a mediocre life that is going nowhere.

In other words, those who love themselves dream big and set high standards for themselves. At the same time, you would be willing to work hard and make sacrifices for yourself. You will be willing to sacrifice the effort to go to the gym, to read a self-improvement book and to avoid unhealthy foods that are bad for you.

When You Like Yourself, People Will Start to Like You

When I talk about loving yourself, I am not talking about being an arrogant, egotistical braggart who looks at your self every ten minutes and boastfully says, ˜I am the greatest”. Nobody likes people like that!

In fact, people who really love themselves never boast or show off! They don’t need to. They already feel good about themselves inside.

When you like yourself, you will feel good about yourself. You will have the confidence to take on challenges, make friends and be outgoing. You will smile alot and talk positively about yourself and others. People who feel good about themselves see the good in others and give them sincere encouragement and praise.

This confidence and positive attitude will make you really charming and attractive to others. People will start to admire and respect you. People love being around positive people because it makes them feel good as well.

What Happens When You Don’t Love Yourself?

On the other hand, people who hate themselves tend to remain unhappy and unsuccessful. When you don’t like yourself, you tend to put yourself down, think negatively of yourself and set low personal standards.

Back in secondary school, I remember asking one of my friends Stan which University he was aiming to go for. He said, I don’t want to go to the university. ˜With a university degree, you can get a much better job and live a more comfortable life. You can get success, respect and more money,” I said. He replied, ˜who cares?”

At the time, I couldn’t understand why Stan would not care about his own future. Later I realized it was because Stan did not like himself very much. In his mind, he did not think he deserved a great life. He believed that only other people who were better deserved such a successful life.

So, begin the journey of success and happiness by first loving yourself!

(This post is an excerpt from my upcoming book, ˜Secrets of Successful Teens” due to be launched in July 2009)


38 Comments so far

  1. Hongrui on April 23rd, 2009

    Great post! I love reading your blog! Everyday I will check you blog for about two or three times.
    Thanks for your sharing, Adam.

    Love myself, that’s the first thing I should do. 😀

  2. Farai on April 23rd, 2009

    Great Article Adam. Very true indeed. Most people dont know this fact of life. Thanks for sharing this.

  3. Yolanda Lee on April 27th, 2009

    Yes, I love myself more than anyone else does.

    If I, myself do not love myself, how can I expect others to love me? I must be loveable and expect others sto admire and love me not just for what I am but for who I am…am I cheerful, helpful, do I make people around me happy? Simple things that can have great impact is our ..smile…it brightens osmone’s day. No words spoken but it will show if we are happy person. so just a simple blink and smile is enough to spark a conversation, agree?


  4. Ranjith on April 27th, 2009

    Adam thanks for realizing me about the value of myself. Always I used to give priority to others I count me as second. So today I realized if I want to put oters in first, first I have to be there.

    Excellant blog thanks a lot again.

  5. kamisah on April 27th, 2009

    Oh wow.. i finally understood what my husband meant by loving myself. I have been thinking that I should be remorseful and apologetic every time I am faced with relationship issue with him. I failed to love myself. I allowed myself to get hurt!!

  6. Manny on April 27th, 2009

    Hi Sir,
    I want to say that if you say love yourself then what happened when person (i am) is filled with fear,anger,frustrations,worries,tensions,egos etc.
    You say that love your these stupid natures because these things are with in me,then love what?
    please answer to this question.
    Yours Sincerely,

  7. Larisa on April 27th, 2009

    Hi Adam.!
    I admire with you!
    To like it is given not to everyone, even itself.
    If you love problems. I can give to you them
    My problem now to advance the program on studying languages mine blog http://lara-russdln.blogspot.com
    I Russian, but have the purpose to study language and to help those people who wants to change the life.

  8. Terry- Ann on April 27th, 2009

    Hi Adam,
    Thank you for this article; it really makes sense and explains a lot .I see it so clear that I just have to share this with a friend of mind who have such low self esteem about herself. Look forward to reading somemore good stuff.

  9. Annette on April 27th, 2009

    Thankyou for your insightful emails. They are about the only ones I read and I get about 100 a day. I totally agree with you. But remember to be humble.

  10. KY on April 27th, 2009

    Dear Adam,

    I have followed some of your articles, books & course and have little success. However, I believe the cause was not on the materials but on myself. After reading your article, I believe it might have been the source for my recent years of under achievements. I wish to take care of everyone besides me before I can feel happy, but deep inside I think the person that needs the most caring is me. As you had mentioned that you came across someone that doesn’t love himself, thus I believe you have the solution for such situation. Can I learn from you how can I love myself? I know this sounds ridiculous but I am seriously hoping that you can show me some resources or references to assist me on my current situation?

    Thank you.

  11. Iwan Miltans on April 27th, 2009

    Thanks, Adam, for your sharing. Yes, I must first love myself before I love others with God’s greatest love and light.

    I love myself because the light of God is flowing through me now. Thanks, God the Lord, for this blessing.

  12. Azidah on April 27th, 2009

    Hi Adam!

    Very interesting article. I love it very much and send it out to all of my friends.

    I’ll start love myself immediatley & forever. TQ very much.

  13. gina on April 27th, 2009

    hello mr adam by reading your blog you hav explained very well the reasons why its very important to love ourselves. It opened my eyes and understand better. You inspire me to do better in life. I really love your blogs and the advises you gave us, I learned many things from you. thanks a lot and more power!!!

  14. umma salmah on April 27th, 2009

    hi Adam,thank you very much for the article .i felt energized with positive & right thinking.

  15. Mary on April 27th, 2009

    Hi Adam,

    I really enjoy your emails and especially this one on “loving yourself” I’ve read several personal development books, but just wanted to say you presented it in such a lovely inspiring way……. it really hit home with me!!
    My heartfeft thanks as always. Love and light Mary

  16. Riel on April 27th, 2009

    Hey Adam

    Thanks for a great post! The paragraph about waking up with this person and falling asleep with this person whom you may not like really brought the whole idea of how important it is for us to love ourselves home to me once again.

    We all have had great parents and hopefully I’ve been a great parent myself and we are so focused on bringing up our children to love other people learn to care for other people that we sometimes forget how important it is for us also to teach our children to love themselves. We live in a highly competitive world in which the erroneous idea may occur that you are only lovable if you succeed. It is so important that we teach our children, but also that we constantly remind ourselves that the basis of our sanity and success lies in a healthy love and respect for ourselves


  17. Johannes on April 27th, 2009

    The first time I came across it it was pretty stupid to me. But I gave it a try. Results started to come and then I stopped doing it. I started to slip back to depression started to get needy with my girlfriend and started to look for love elsewhere. Than a few days later I realized that nobody can give this to me, love is and internal thing not an external.

    Your love gets magnified when you are with others and that is the greatest experience or so I think.

    And especially if you feel unworthy or bad about yourself this is the best way to start.

    Starting to love yourself (doing nice things to yourself, taking good care of yourself) will start to overwrite your deepest old beliefs about your worth and so on…

    This only thing can make your life turn around by itself in the good way!

  18. Tam on April 28th, 2009

    Thank you, Adam.
    I have always been very negatively and hated myself as my dad’s an ex-convict. My friends and colleagues thought I am anti-social; but actually I am worried that they find out and despise me.
    For 36 years, it has affected me greatly. I dun have much friends and as constantly feeling inferior, I ended up fighting with people…
    I wanna love myself and have a better life. How I wish you have posted this 20 years earlier!

  19. Jay on April 28th, 2009

    Just wanted to say thank you Adam. I look forward to reading more of your e-mail.


  20. Adam Khoo on April 28th, 2009


    Your fears, angers, frustrations and worries are emotional patterns that you may have kept repeating in the past. You are not your past emotions and behaviours. They are NOT your nature.

    You have the power to change your emotions into confidence, happiness and passion. YOu have to learn to control and direct your thoughts and emotions using NLP. You must first love yourself enough to make these changes.

  21. DALIA on April 28th, 2009


  22. Eric on April 28th, 2009

    Hi, Adam,

    Thanks for the insight.

    Now i know why i didn’t want to go to the university, like how Stan felt.

    So true …

  23. Mch on April 28th, 2009


    I got a lot of problem lately which makes me down n feel insecure everyday,i said to myself i have to be strong but it seems like problems came over and over i think i;m goin insane… you said we have the power to change our emotion, how to do tat? i use to be a very happy and confident. Since i move to new off, everythings seems not right. I know i shouldnt blame the environment and my manager, but i really cant stand anymore. Please help….

  24. Vivek Gupta on April 29th, 2009

    Wonderful blog… Enjoyed each and every word of it!

  25. Sher on April 29th, 2009

    Hi Adam,

    Thanks for continuing to bring inspiration to our lives! It’s great to know you through your books, seminars and writings.

  26. esmeralda on April 30th, 2009

    Adam, you have made me cry. Thank you just the same.To the world I am a happy confident person always smiling. I give advice, I give of my time and money.I read alot to improve myself. I know that I am smart and dumb at the same time. I work at two jobs. I help my daughter who lives in the north of america and my boyfriend who is a doctor in Mexico. When you give it should always be without interest, am I wrong in expecting anything from the ones I love? This year like the last they didn`t even remember to say Happy Birthday. I know I have to love myself more because sometimes I don`t have food to eat. I will reread your article. Thank you for your time. Please do not put my name, just M R

  27. Ernone Horvath on May 2nd, 2009

    Dear Ádám! Thank you for valuable letter. I think that God, goodness is speaking from you, who loved us earlier than we could be able to response it for them. So every people is hungary for that lovingness and we,re full of fragilements, sometime we are offended or feel like a little baby who can,t get that carefulnesses what hi-she needs for. We need to understand our sunny side and shadows of us too and you,re right we need to be understanding with ourselfs so nicely as you expressed to gard ourself from the birth to the grave faced with us everyday communicating with our understanding God. All of us need a better understanding and we ourself may give it to each -others as you made it just now. Thank you very much gratefully and keep God you in that point of view, because you can give something very valuable thingto your friends for your humanity.

  28. Ernone Horvath on May 2nd, 2009

    I am enjoying the benefits of your caringnesses now and I feel you to be a mirror for me. You know we have to fight for that understanding for ourselfs every day. You know it well. Our self statement depends on our nature, our gens, from our sorroundings and from theese factors we can build up our self-esteem. There are stress agressors around us who want to demolish thees well designed walls, but we have to give honour and respect to our enemies too, because we can learn a lot from them and many times obstackles can help us to survive and renew ourselfs.

  29. Ernone Horvath on May 2nd, 2009

    Those peoples who can listen to others can be able to lugh at and cry togehter with those who award that emphaty and I think if it were so than we could be able to live more happy together. What do you think about it, because maybe you have an other opinion about it.
    You,re so kind really and many thanks for your kind letter. Grateful to God you,re very young yet and you will have a lot of possibility to make recoverings about people and situations.
    Your Friend with much love: Irén

  30. Sean John on May 2nd, 2009

    Heyy Adam,

    that would have to be THE BEST ARTICLE I’ve ever read
    very insightful and very well written
    its amazing a zipped though the article
    yet I feel that i got so much useful information from it,

    thanks Adam.

    P.S I was can I please feature your article on my website
    I will credit you for it.

    thanks again!!!

  31. belajar wordpress on May 4th, 2009

    Great article, from now on i will more to love myself, thank for sharing.

  32. Millionaire Acts on May 12th, 2009

    Great article Adam! I definitely agree that before you can love others, you must love yourself first.

    If you want to attract attractive people, you must make yourself attractive. If you want to attract disciplined people, you must be disciplined yourself.

    Same thing goes: If you want to attract love, you must love yourself first.

  33. Jay D.P. on May 25th, 2009

    Hi Mr Adam. This is Jay here. I was reading one of your book then i decided to visit your website. it really hit me when i read about your post regarding “loving yourself”.

    I never thought of loving myself first. As i am rather a simple person, i dint really put in effort to love myself. its sad huh. in fact, currently i am in love with a woman (which we werent together), to the extend that i will really willing to work very hard for her and provide her a good life. This is the first time in my life that i am willing to do that and anything for a woman.
    When she was down, I offer her alot of support etc etc… but to the extend that she told me that she has phobia towards men, yet she been going out with her ex-colleague (guys) etc etc. from what i found that they went to a club which my frd saw them acting very close. which really hurts me alot. So i try to distract myself and start to read yr book and i come to your website. It really hit me when this article is the first article on the page.
    i love her alot yet it seem that i dun have any chance to get together with her. though i put in a lot of effort and gave her alot of support. in my life it was never for me. It seem like in my life i was revolving about other. throughout i feel happy helping other people to pull through their difficult period, relationship prob etc etc. yet now i fall and i cant help myself. i know i ask for it. i shouldnt allow myself to fall in love. now i actually doing some business opportunity research and hence i am reading yr book for guidance. but currently troubled with problem, it is very difficult to pick up.

    i am somehow like you, wanting to help people. inspired to help people. but it a shame that i am at this state now.

  34. maxiewawa on June 1st, 2009

    that was beautiful


  35. Vincent on June 1st, 2009

    Not really agree with Adam this round…sorry..

  36. Suparman on June 1st, 2009

    thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.

    Its a great simple truth

  37. laymen on June 8th, 2009

    Adam, thanks for sharing. I have become a great leader after following your books, guidance, bootcamp ever since I was 14 and have been assisting in the most of your camps and I like to thank you for giving me this opportunity. I have achieved 11A’s and received scholarship for 4 years up to my degree level thru a competition and have been chosen as leaders in all the association, clubs that I joined. Even is NS I was the chosen as the head of commander with 4 strips on my shoulder on the 2nd day itself of my arrival. Thanks again Adam. Your successful student.

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